Not Her

1. Back to the beginning

2015-12-18

"Kian don't you love me?" I look at him with hurt in my eyes, I would love to be the woman that change him but the truth is, I'm not. I will never be. I'm not her and nothing will ever change that.

"You know I love you Carter... just not the way you want me to love you." I look at him and let the first tear fall from my eyes. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen, this wasn't how our story was going to end. But then again I guess we don't live in fairytale.

"I know... I just wish you would." I say and take a deep breath before turning away from him, I can't look at him right now, it hurts.

I can hear how he tries to say something but then stops, like he knows that nothing can change the way he feels, and he is right nothing can and nothing should! What we had was amazing and I am so happy that I could have that with him, but every good thing always comes to an end...

Maybe someday we will have our happy ending... maybe just not with each other.

2011-08-29

"It will be fine baby everyone will love you" My father says when he drops me of outside of North Bridge High, I am really nervous because it's the first day in school and my brother went here before and he said that some of the teachers are really fucked up. I really hope he just wanted to make me scared.

"Bye dad, I will see you later" I say and wave him goodbye, I know that my dad probably would want me to hug him bye but that doesn't feel like something you want to do right outside of school.

I close the car door behind me and looks at the big building, it feels kind of cool to start in a school so big. I come from a small school where basically everyone knew everyone. A lot of the people from my old school is going to school here because it's the closest high school and a lot of kids can't afford to go somewhere else because of the traveling.

"Carter!" I look over to my right and see the pretty face of my best friend Mitch they are really great.

"Hey babe" I say and hug them. Mitch is gender fluid and likes the pronouns them/they and as the wonderful friend I am I call them it because I believe that if Mitch feels like that then they have the right to feel like that.

They were born female but that doesn't mean that I will call them she because that is just wrong.

"Are you ready for the first day of the rest of our life?" they ask me and I just laugh a little because they have always been a little dramatic.

"Mitch it's just high school you will have to wait a few years until the rest of our life starts" I say and they smile a small smile at me.

I follow them in to the school and I take out the key that I got sent home earlier this summer. I know that my locker is on the second floor because there is where all freshmen's have their lockers.

We walk up the stairs and find out lockers pretty fast, I actually thought it would take much longer but it turns out that our lockers are really close to the stairs so we didn't have to look for as long as some other people.

"I have English the first lesson with someone names Mr. Quinton" Mitch says and looks down at the paper in their hand, I look down at mine and see that I am going to have math... god damn it I absolutely hate math and doesn't really look forward to having it at all.

"I have math with Miss. Martins" I say and look at Mitch, I know that we probably won't have as many classes together as before because we aren't in the same group.

"Well I will text you when I'm done and we can see where we can meet each other" I smile at them and they hurry away because they are apparently going to be in the other side of the building.

I decide to take my things and walk to my math class. That is when I see him, I know he is one year older than me because my brother have showed me pictures of him from Facebook. He told me that he's name is Kian and that he had to repeat a year because he almost never turned up to school and that he was nothing but trouble.

That is the first time I lay eyes on the brown haired boy that my brother told me so much about. 

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I have had this idea in mind for so long and I didn't want to write a fan fiction about it so I decided to just write a story. 

I hope you like it