"Only Your Smile (Kills the Dark in Me)" ~sequel to Dear Diary~

Chapter 9. Only Your Smile Kills the Dark in Me

"Would you care to talk about last night," my mom asked me as I walked in the door, referring to the night before when I 'stayed with a friend'.

"Not really," I sighed and I went to my bedroom to be alone.

I laid there on my bed for a while as the memories from that night overflowed in my head. I blushed, I felt butterflies in my stomach, I cursed, and even cried a little. I was feeling so many different emotions about what had happened and they all just sort of came out at the same time.

My mom knocked softly on the door, as I had expected she would, and I told her to come in.

"You would hate me," I told her, referring to her earlier question when I came in the door.

I sat up on my bed and held a pillow. My mom just gave me a comforting smile and sat down beside me, wrapping her arms around me.

"You know I could never hate you, Sinéad," she said softly. "I don't agree with some of the things you are doing, but I don't hate you for it, nor do I see you any differently."

I didn't bother to tell her what had happened last night. She knew.

"I- I love him, mom," I confessed to her as I let out a deep breath that felt like it had been stuck in my throat since walking through the door. "...but he hates me...and it hurts."

She looked at me confused, "How do you know he hates you?"

"Well...I kind of told him that I hated him, and he said that he felt the same," I answered her, feeling pretty ashamed because I knew that hate was a word that my parents VERY strongly disliked.

Hate is too strong an emotion to waste on someone or something that you don't even like, my mom would say every time I used the word.

"Have you considered that maybe he was lying too?" My mom questioned me. "I mean, you have your pride, it seems like you are too prideful to admit your feelings. Maybe he's the same way."

I felt a smile actually form on my face now. Vincent loves me?

My mom gave me a serious look now, "Does he make you happy?"

I returned the look, dead serious.

"He pisses me off." I said plainly and paused. "But the more upset he makes me, the more I'm drawn to him...and the more I feel like I love him."

"Well...I would certainly like to meet him one day," she said brightly, lightening the atmosphere a little.

I let out a nervous chuckle. "Maybe one day..."

"Oh. Why are you so nervous? What, is he your teacher or something?" she asked me jokingly.

My face turned completely white and then slowly started to turn red; I could feel my ears burning. My mom's eyes grew wide in shock. I couldn't tell how she felt. She didn't look upset, but she didn't look happy either.

"Tell me he's not...," she said beggingly.

I only responded by shaking my head.

"Sinéad Alvord! Please tell me you didn't do it with your teacher!" She continued.

I pursed my lips and looked her in the eyes with my head tilted down a bit.

Guilty.

"Do you realize what the consequences would be if anyone ever found out about that!" She said in a very serious tone.

"I know- I know," I finally said. "It's completely wrong."

She breathed frustratedly before finally taking a calm breath.