Awakening

Chapter 5

Mrs. Klanste passes out a flyer in homeroom today. I only read a few words before I shoved it into one of my folders, but I already know the general gist of it. There's going to be some sort of field day? I'm a bit surprised, because there hasn't been one in years. Rin, you're not going to be there, I think. Why couldn't they just not do this? That way, she wouldn't have to miss anything. She loves field day. Always did, always complained when they didn't hold it. I want to cry, to yell, to do anything to say that This shouldn't be happening right now!

I lower my face, casting down my eyes at the binders so my overly wet eyes aren't seen. Get back in there, tears, I command them, as if that'll help. I can't bear to let anyone aware of my weaknesses other than Riliane. Rin. I don't deserve to be awake when she's so obviously suffering. Why was she the one that got knocked into a coma, anyway? That's so unfair. What about the guy that was drunk? Why didn't he take all the damage? Instead, Rin's mom died and Rin is unconscious.

I blink the tears back. I've broken down once in school before, and I've been marked as the school's crybaby ever since. I don't particularly wish to repeat the experience. I hate my guidance counselor, who thinks that anything repeated a few times will become true. There is no one there to help me other than Rin. I squeeze my eyes shut and use my perfected technique of wiping my eyes inconspicuously. No one has ever realized that when I rub my eyes after a yawn that I'm actually getting rid of tears instead of just trying to wake myself up, Rin included.

I head to my next class, forcing my breaths to slow and quiet. I don't hear the teachers when they tell me to hand in my homework, and I can't concentrate on the test that I have to take in math class. I can only think about this stupid field day and how Rin won't be able to participate even if she wakes up right now.

My hate is for the world right now. I can still never fully believe the fact that Rin has to be in the hospital while everyone else is fully living their lives. I'm sure that Rin wouldn't want me to drag my feet in the dirt just because she's not here, but she is my world. She would understand. Maybe she'd be mad at me for a while, but she'd understand and we'd make up eventually. That's why I love Rin, I think. She knows and understands. I don't feel any judgements when I'm with her.

My hate continues to boil up to the point where I can hardly understand it anymore. I raise my hand to ask my teacher if I can go to the bathroom, and walk out of the class. I can't stand it anymore. I lock myself in a stall and let tears come silently. I can't bear to keeping fighting anymore. I can't take on the world by myself. I need more strength than what my measly body can give me. I wipe my eyes, making sure to leave no trace of tears behind, cover up what I can of my red eyes, and leave the room.

Come back, Rin, I think for the billionth time. My footsteps echo on the marble floor as I remember everything, the field day and the full horror of The Accident crashing down on me. I almost fall towards the floor, my knees weakening from the weight of the incidents, but I keep myself upright. I have to stay strong. That sentence has been the one of two things that has kept me going for the past two years. I have to stay strong. I can't allow myself to break down. That sentence and the chance that Rin will wake up today are the two things that force me to keep going.

When I reach the door, I open it as silently as possible in order to avoid the eyes of my classmates, but I fail. The door creaks open, louder than the teacher's voice. The entire class looks at me, teacher included, so I mutter a single "I'm sorry" and quickly scoot over to my seat. All of their eyes follow me, so I just stare at the teacher, hoping they say something like What's the lesson today? and hope for them to keep going.

Thankfully, he does, and I look down, no longer interested in the lesson. Not that I ever cared. I'm only here because I'm not allowed to stay home, plus it's little closer to the hospital than my home. Plus the nurses at the hospital would question me if I went to the hospital at 9 in the morning.