Idolise [Phan]

Chapter 11

~Dan's POV~

I wrapped my arms tightly around him, resting my head on his shoulder and inhaling his scent, never wanting to let go. He kept his arms around me too, and we stood like that for what seemed like forever.

Eventually, he pulled away, placing his hands on my face and smiling down at me, before leaning in to kiss me lightly. I pulled him in and deepened the kiss. After almost a month of not seeing him, I wasn't going to settle for a quick peck.

"I missed you so much," he mumbled against my lips. I grinned, my heart jumping and butterflies fluttering. Damn, this boy could still get me nervous, even though we'd been dating for months.

It was funny to think that just under a year ago, I'd been a fan of Phil's, watching his videos and wishing I could meet him, and now, here I was, as his boyfriend.

The thought made me smile. Phil took my hand and led me out of the train station, just as he had so many times before. We caught a bus back to his house.

As we sat, looking out the windows, our hands still entwined, I spoke up.

"I loved the video."

Phil turned to me, grinning. He pecked my cheek gently. "I'm glad. I know you didn't want to do anything but, as I said..."

"...I had to go to bed, leaving you for five hours with nothing to do," I finished, looking at him knowingly.

He chuckled. "Yeah, that. Sounds like you've watched it a few times." He nudged me teasingly and I blushed, giggling a little.

"Well, when you're across the other side of the world it's nice to watch your boyfriend talking about how much he loves you."

He laughed and we fell back into a comfortable silence. Suddenly, he spoke again, this time with a darker, more serious undertone to his voice.

"So...Dan...do you want to tell the viewers? I mean, do you want to make some sort of video announcing it or just sneak it in somewhere?"

I gulped. The truth was, I didn't want to tell anyone. I was terrified. Phil and I's fan base was growing. What if we broke up? It would have to be a huge, public affair. I didn't want that.

"Phil...is it possible we could just keep it to ourselves? At least for a little while?"

He nodded, and smiled. However, it seemed forced.

There was another problem. I hadn't exactly told many people that I was bi. I hadn't told my family or the majority of my friends. Just like Phil and I hadn't told many people we were together.

I wasn't just scared of our relationship being public. In all honesty, I was scared shitless of my sexuality being public.

Phil didn't look happy with my response. Did he really want to tell everyone that much? He had dropped my hand and was looking out the window, avoiding my gaze.

I felt tears stinging my eyes. No, this can't be happening. Were my insecurities about to mess up another relationship? Possibly the best one I'd ever been in?

I didn't know if I'd ever be ready to come out to the world, and I couldn't force Phil to keep lying about it for an indefinite period of time. Would he break up with me over it?

Maybe I should explain to him the main reason I don't want to tell anyone.

When the bus arrived at our stop, he helped carry my suitcase inside, still having not said a word. He took it to his room, put it down, and turned around to say something, when I grabbed onto him desperately.

"Phil, please don't leave me!" I pleaded. Tears filled my eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm just not ready to tell everyone! I will be soon! Just please...please don't abandon me!"

He stared back at me, frowning, before pulling me into a hug. "Dan, I'm not going to leave you. Why on Earth would I do that? I love you."

I began to sob against his chest, as he pulled me closer. He whispered comforting words in my ear, kissing the top of my head. Thank God.

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A/N: whoa two chapters in one day what's wrong with me?! I think I'm just bored oops

~current song: nicotine - panic! at the disco~