@beenandgone
While I was reading the first few chapters a couple mistakes came out, when Jessica is talking with the lady whom is helping her pick put a uniform, the lady asks "I'm I right?" Or; "I have to go to my car so I can friends my self."
Sometimes it doesn't hurt to read your story aloud to yourself, so you can catch some of these before publishing. Trust me, if you read it aloud to yourself and something doesn't sound right, it either should be revised to sound right, or be taken out. It does save much further grief.
Again, sometimes it is hard to keep one tense, but try to pick whether you'd like your story to be present or past tense.
The use of your, you're should be watched. I notice when that the author uses your, when in the context of the sentence should be you're.
"Your cute." Would be wrong grammatically while, "You're cute." Would be right.
Chapters could be a bit longer, but you can always go back and make them longer or join them together if you wish.
I hadn't gotten enough about the main character to place my opinion on her, but the idea of everyone wanting to take her and experiment her definitely keeps the story going, and I'm all ready trying to decide whom may want to steal her.
☆☆☆☆
