Finding Miranda

Chapter 27: The List

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Miranda has honored Shepard's wishes and stayed away from him during the days and weeks following their traumatic near-death experience and the loss of two irreplaceable friends.  How long can she keep this up? Will the shy, invisible librarian keep quiet and blend in with the wallpaper as always, or will she find the strength and courage to fight for what - or whom - she wants?

Welcome to the final chapter of FINDING MIRANDA.

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Miranda trudged through the workweek, keeping busy at the library, going in early, staying late, reading during her breaks. The problem was the in-between time. While driving, cooking dinner, doing laundry, taking a shower, trying to sleep, she was having tremendous difficulty controlling her thoughts.

She spent a reasonable amount of time mourning and remembering Dave and Pietro, and that was okay. It was healthy to transition through all the stages of grief, about which she had been reading. She knew the pain of that loss would lessen over time, even though she would never forget them.

What was not healthy was her preoccupation with the one thing that was forbidden her. She recalled the prayer her mother had taught her: "Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Miranda wanted to be with Shepard Krausse.

He didn't want that.

It was something she could not change, and she was not serene about it.

If the situation was truly unchangeable, she wanted to accept that fact, wrap herself in serenity, and move on. She had prayed. She had tried to tell herself to simply accept. She had filled every minute of the day that she could fill. But every time she stopped praying, accepting, filling for even a minute, Shepard crowded into her mind.

Fourteen days had crawled by since Miranda had left Shepard at the door of his house and had run away. She had not seen him, spoken to him, or even spoken about him since the moment that door had closed between them.

She had given it her best efforts, but her serenity prayers just weren't working. She decided to look at the rest of the prayer. What about "the courage to change the things I can"? What about "the wisdom to know the difference"? What "difference"? The difference between "things I cannot change" and "things I can."

Miranda experienced an epiphany. She had made a mistake. She had placed her situation in the wrong category. It wasn't a "cannot-change" situation at all. It was definitely a "change-the-things-I-can" situation.

She finally knew the difference. Change was possible. Courage was the prerequisite. She had courage. She had shown it in dealing with police officers, emergency medical technicians, doctors and nurses, even Shepard's mother. Courage was a natural outgrowth of loving something or someone more than yourself. She knew she had that. Because she knew she loved Shepard Krausse.

Miranda resolved to take decisive action. She would charge the enemy lines; she would storm the battlements; she would fearlessly face the foe. She would make a list.

Several hours later, Miranda was putting the finishing touches on her hair and—yes—her makeup. It was only blusher and lip gloss, but it was more than Miranda usually wore. The irony was not lost on her, of course, but she primped to make herself feel attractive. It didn't matter that no one was going to actually see her.

Satisfied that she looked, and smelled, her very best, Miranda picked up the carefully typed list (on carefully chosen pale blue paper with high rag content), and exited her back door.