Messages To Joe | J.S

{0022}

Saturday October 2nd 2015:

"Who is he ?!" The pure anger in his voice frightened everything out of me. No matter how much I loved or trusted him, this was a side to Sam I'd never seen and had never planned on seeing either. During school yesterday, the shit hit the fan with Kim and Sam and practically everyone. I had to hold back from going to Swansea although I actually cancelled it a while back. If I'm honest, I didn't want to meet Joe for so many reasons including the 'problems' he mentioned, the fact that he may not like me as much after he sees me and if the message he sent me wasn't just a drunken lie, what if when I see him I love him too? What about Sam? Well that's what I thought, up until Sam and I were having a screaming match in my living room (whilst me parents were in town).

"He's no one ! It's not like I like him, he's just a friend," I couldn't look him in the face, or could he not look me in the face? It wasn't easy to tell. All I knew was this wasn't going to end well. Yesterday, Kim told Sam everything: about Joe, how fixated I was on texting him, that when we were together I'd be texting him and even down to what she'd read on my phone - God knows how she remembered!

"That's what they all say !" He snarled, kicking the side of the sofa so hard it probably left a dent.

"What who say ?" I snapped, "you've been in this EXACT predicament before, honestly ?" Being in this argument made me wonder whether this was something I really wanted, fighting, not being able to get over something in a civil manner. Sure, if I found out Sam had another girl on the go I'd be slightly worried because the chance of it being someone from our school would be a lot higher and that girl fancying him would also be likely, but I don't think we'd get anywhere with a fight.

"Of course not, but girls, they all say that ! 'He's not even into me, why would you say that ?' But the next day they're banging him !" He was acting so beast like, I couldn't believe what he was saying and how he said it.

I was so furious myself now, I wasn't just going to stand here and take shots if this relationship wasn't going to continue. "He lives in Wiltshire, 2 and a half fucking hours away ! Yeah no, of course I'm banging him yeah I just travel that far. Why don't you take a bit of consideration ? Maybe I don't feel like I can be myself around you, the classic weird old me which you don't take any time to think about and that Joe does, he gets me and maybe I don't like him like that, but I sure do value this friendship and if you can't deal with that, you might as well leave !"

"Fine !" He stormed through the hallway towards the door, stopping right in the frame, "I hope you and Joe live happily ever after !" And with that, the door slammed and I broke down into a thousand pieces. It wasn't meant to be this way, I lost my two closest friendships and my the only one remaining lived so far away. Not only that, but was someone I was beginning to develop feelings for no matter how difficult. I dragged my back down the wall, curling into a ball once I hit the floor, crying. Sure, an over dramatic reaction but what else was I meant to be, happy?

Just as I was thinking my permanent home would be the cold, wood floor, my phone rang. Thinking it was my mum or my dad, I allowed it to ring to the third, preparing my self so I didn't sound like a crying, hormonal teenager so much as a normal, hormonal teenager.
"Hello?" I asked reluctantly, still a crack in my voice.

"Oh...Amber, hi, it's Joe - you know that - um if I'm being honest, I didn't expect you to answer cause, well you were in Swansea," his voice was much like the videos, Wiltshire accent present. It made me raise a small smile, not gonna lie. "Before you think it's really bad...I just ring you sometimes because I feel like I should and when I ring, I feel like I have even though it wasn't a conversation, do you get what I mean? Sorry, that didn't make any sense."

"Joe, you sound so awkward !" I couldn't quite laugh, but my smile was present in my tone and that was okay, he was buying it. "Don't worry about it, it's okay and the reason I'm not in Swansea is because I cancelled...something came up I guess," I added, not really wanting to mention the incident, he wouldn't forgive himself if he knew it was down to him- well not really, but related to him.

"Ugh I'm sorry, you know I've never heard you speak before, you've got a real London accent, I love it !" I could imagine Joe blushing at saying that, like he instantly regretted saying it but not because he didn't want to, because he felt like it was embarrassing. "But, are you okay? It sounds a little crackly...are you upset?" Shit. I thought.

"I'm okay, just, stuff, you know? Now I should go, I've got a lot to do and I'm sure your busy filming," I said.

"Ok, but if your still in London, can't we meet up?" He said the one thing I 100% didn't want to hear, so I avoided it completely which probably wasn't the best thing to do, but I was so confused.

"I'm sorry, I've just...got to go," and I hung up, ran up the stairs and collapsed onto my bed, crying once again at the misery that is my life. However, tomorrow I'd be laughing about it because Joe would make me happy, make me smile, laugh, he was always capable of that...