Messages To Joe | J.S

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Friday 8th February 2019:

'Is this meant to be funny?' Joe's face was like thunder as he scanned the surroundings. 'There's such a mess!'

'It was meant to be an ice breaker, Joe.' My heart was racing and all I wanted was to sit down and be warm, cozy, safe. But I wasn't, if I wanted this to be the end of us messing around, it was now or never, no more running from Joe, no more hiding the truth or my feelings for either of our sakes.

'An ice breaker? Right, okay, sure.' He rolled his eyes, slamming the door which he'd been standing by since he arrived. He chucked his keys on the floor, probably trying to prove a point about the mess. 'And you actually got people to help you do this?'

'It's not like that! It was a joke. Surely you know pranks are jokes?' My palms were sweating, calm down Amber for christs sake.

'This doesn't look like a joke, and besides, there's a difference between my pranks, they're for views, a way of keeping my ch-'

It was my turn to roll my eyes, 'views, of course, there goes your job again!'

'Don't turn this back on me!' He snapped, pointing a finger at me which had one of his silver rings wrapped around it. He looked mad, as if this was the last straw - be all or end all - for him too, because he also didn't want anymore messing around. 'Is this like final revenge? I thought we'd turned a corner last time we met, clearly not, I just wasted my emotions on you.'

'I said it was a joke!' Yelling, I pointed a finger at him, but only briefly, realising how rude it truly was. 'And we did, this is why I did this, to try and fix things!'

'It fixed fuck ALL! I should never have got involved with you!' My heart stopped. It stopped beating 1000 times a minute. It stopped making me go dizzy. It just stopped. Was it all a mistake to him? Sure we had bad times but this was certainly not my idea of a mistake, I have not wasted four years of my life on a mistake. 'Don't deny it, this has been troublesome for the two of us.'

'Yes Joe,' my voice was quiet, uncertain and shaky, 'it was troublesome, but if I could go back, I'd do it all again.'

'Well I wouldn't.' He snapped, stamping on a balloon too, further protest for the 'joke'. I dragged my hands to my ears and closed my eyes in response to the horrific sound, just wanting to cry and stop.

'I tried.'

'What?' He said three times as loud as I had spoken.

'I tried. I wanted to make this work but seems like it just won't.'

'There you go again, turning this on me!'

'I'm not turning anything on you,' I fully sounded defeated, because I was, tears threatened to fall. I seemed weak, I seemed broken, but I was disappointed. I was disappointed in myself. Maybe I should've gotten out a while ago, I shouldn't have gone to the meet up and I shouldn't have insisted on a relationship out of Joe, because we shouldn't have been more than friends. Before I knew it, tears did fall, but Joe didn't bat an eyelid, simply using his glare to burn into me.

'Fuck you Sugg, you know, just fuck yourself.'

'Excuse me?'

'You fucking heard me, yep, fuck yourself- or another girl, I'd be okay with that, she'd be lucky to have you!'

'I'm not doing this again, just leave.'

'I'm not leaving until this is done, because I don't want to have to come back.'

'Okay, finish it then.'

'I hate you Joe, I hate the way you make me feel, because I'm so fucking in love with you-