icicle ♡ narry christmas au [COMPLETE]

nine

"daddy," livi says urgently before she goes to sleep. 

"yes, sweet pea?"

"gotta get these to santa." she clambers out of her cloud bed and over to the desk in her corner, opens the top drawer. there are a handful of letters in there, and she thrusts them into harry's arms. "please? so he can get them by tonight?"

"sure thing, liv," harry says with a grin. he kisses his daughter goodnight and tucks her in. ashton is asleep in the guest room somewhere, luke and calum are sitting awfully close on the sofa, and niall is sitting at the kitchen table, flipping through a magazine. "hey," harry says softly, pressing a kiss to niall's cheek as he sits beside him.

"hey," niall chirps back shyly, cheeks pinking. "what've you got there?"

"livi's letters to santa." harry spreads them out on the table. "i already got her presents, but i guess it couldn't hurt to see if there's anything i missed, so i can get it for her birthday?"

niall nods. "are you gonna open them?"

"yeah. let's flip through them." harry opens the one dated the earliest. "dear santa," he reads aloud. "we have a neighbor named niall -- she spelled your name horribly wrong," he adds with a laugh, making niall laugh, too. "he is very pretty. i hope --" harry cuts himself off. livi had written i hope my daddy falls in lov with him becus he is pretty and nice. 

"what?" niall asks.

"uh -- let's open another," harry says quickly, stuffing that one back in the envelope. the next two letters he opens say basically the same thing; the only exception is that in one she'd also asked for a red bicycle. 

"harry, what's wrong? why won't you read any of them?" niall is so confused. "what do they say?"

"nothing." harry doesn't know why this is upsetting him so much. he gathers the letters up. "i'm just going to, uh, put these away."

"harry, what is going on?" it isn't like him to just clam up like this, niall knows that. "what do they say that has you so upset? talk to me, come on."

harry runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "drop it, niall."

"drop it? you brought them in here!"

"i said, drop it!"

"but why?"

"because she wrote that she wants me to fall in love with you, and i think i already am!" harry shouts, and immediately regrets it. niall has gone very pale. luke and calum are staring at him from the living room, and worst of all, his yelling has woken livi up. she's peeking out of her bedroom, looking sleepy and confused. "i can't do this right now." harry's voice sounds exhausted, and without a second thought, he steps around niall, slips on a pair of shoes and a coat, and leaves.

"daddy!" livi cries after him, about to run out of the apartment in just her nightie and bare feet, but niall quickly catches her first. he lifts her onto her hip, trying to console her as she starts to cry. "where did he go?" she begins to sob. "it's my fault he left!"

"no, baby, no, it isn't," niall coos immediately. 

"he read m-my santa letters!" livi is starting to go from crying to hyperventilating very quickly. "h-h-he's leaving j-just like m-m-mommy!"

"livi, sweetheart, no, he isn't. he just needs some time by himself for a little while, huh?" that doesn't help. livi only cries harder, and it reaches a point where it's clear that her tears are quickly morphing into a panic attack. niall, not knowing what to do, runs into ashton's room and flicks the switch. ashton grunts in response.

"ashton, livi's having a panic attack and i don't know what to do," niall says desperately, sounding close to tears himself. incredibly, though he's half asleep, ashton shoots up and walks towards the sound of livi's cries.

"hey, angel, you're okay, sweet girl," he coos to his niece, kneeling in front of her. "what happened?" he asks niall as he gets up to wet a towel to dry her tears and press to her forehead. "where's harry?"

"he - he left. he was upset. i..." niall can't speak. "is she going to be okay?"

"yes." ashton lifts livi into his lap. "i need to you calm down, angel. big, deep breaths for me, yeah? match my breathing, livi." he exaggerates his breathing until livi's breaths are normal, too. "good girl!" he kisses her nose, and she lets out a tired giggle.

-  - -

harry is cold, and angry at himself.

he stands by a lake, not far from the apartment, wondering why he'd said what he said to niall. he's humiliated and ashamed, and he knows livi was probably upset, too, so he makes it up in his mind to go home and apologize.

niall will probably break up with him, he knows that -- after all, they've only been together a few weeks. how could he love him?

niall couldn't love him. it's too messy.