idle remarks

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credit goes to J.K Rowling
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It had never occurred to Remus that Tonks could return his feelings because he had become so used to considering himself unclean and unworthy. One night when they lay in hiding outside a known Death Eater's house, after a year of increasingly warm friendship, Tonks made an idle remark about one of their fellow Order members ('He's still handsome, isn't he, even after Azkaban?'). Before he could stop himself, Remus had replied bitterly that he supposed she had fallen for his old friend ('He always got the women.'). At this, Tonks became suddenly angry. 'You'd know perfectly well who I've fallen for, if you weren't too busy feeling sorry for yourself to notice.'

Remus's immediate response was a happiness he had never experienced in his life, but this was extinguished almost at once by a sense of crushing duty. He had always known that he could not marry and run the risk of passing on his painful, shameful condition. He therefore pretended not to understand Tonks, which did not fool her at all. Wiser than Remus, she was sure that he loved her, but that he was refusing to admit it out of mistaken nobility. However, he avoided any further excursions with her, barely talked to her, and started volunteering for the most dangerous missions. Tonks became desperately unhappy, convinced not only that the man she loved would never willingly spend time with her again, but also that he might walk to his death rather than admit his feelings.

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edit June 11: i change the name of this chapter

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