pretty | namjoon

vi

park jimin's voice. his voice that was angelic, beautiful, and just every positive descriptive word.

"what do you think i'm doing? are you stupid? this is a gym," namjoon answered in a 'duh' tone. my back was facing namjoon's back so i couldn't see jimin. i'm afraid to see him. i'm afraid that he would not like me after seeing me in this pathetic state.

"but, you rarely come to gym." jimin pointed out. namjoon sighed, and suddenly i could feel someone patting my shoulder. i turned around, and it was an extreme mistake. park jimin was standing there, in front of namjoon and not far away from me.

"i was accompanying her," namjoon said. i bowed my head down shyly as i dare not to meet jimin's gaze. i bet he's judging me really hard now, why i'm fat and why am i so ugly–

"oh, jae hee?"

everything around me seemed frozen and all i could hear was jimin's sweet voice saying my name. my heart was thumping twice as fast now and i could feel my cheeks getting hotter and hotter.

"yeah, we are exercising buddies right now." namjoon replied cooly as he slung his arms around my shoulder – i didn't mind because i was too busy in my world of fantasies. park jimin just freaking said my name!

"oh, that's cool!" jimin added as he waved at us, "i'll see the two you around more often then, jae hee and namjoon hyung."

the second time he said my name. the way my name left his lips sounded so refreshing and weirdly satisfying that i wanted to hear more of it. of course, who doesn't want their crush to say their name? park jimin had just say my name twice. i was internally fangirling right now.

"jae hee?" namjoon's voice snapped me out of my trance. i gave him an apologetic smile. he returned back a reassuring grin.

i looked at the mirror that was reflected me. my waist size was probably bigger than a circumference of the biggest circle, and my fats were practically piling above each other. simply by looking at the image, i was motivated to lose weight all over again, so i must endure the hardships of it.

•••

"you're really doing good for a beginner," namjoon spoke as he handed me a towel as i thanked him. i gulped the water as it refreshingly went down my throat.

"i'll take that as a compliment?" my words came out more like a question which made namjoon chuckled.

"we'll come to the gym on weekends, alright?" namjoon questioned. i nodded my head as we exited the gym.

"you know, you don't have to send me home. i can go home by myself–"

"i insist." he answered, clicking his tongue. i had no choice but to let him to.

"you know jae hee actually..." he trailed off as i hummed in response.

"you are still pretty even if you're this way, you know. you don't need to slim down to be pretty. personality is more important than appearance."

i stopped in my tracks as i let out a frustrated sigh. "no– namjoon. you don't understand. you don't understand how many pairs of eyes were always judging me with disgust. you don't understand how much i've already suffered because i'm fat. you don't understand how appearance is important to me. you just don't understand how i feel,"

namjoon just stared blanky at me. "alright. i guess i will try to understand how you feel."

"you try? you don't need to try, namjoon. if you don't understand, it means you don't understand. if you don't want to help me anymore, it's fine with me. i'll just use back my old methods."

i immediately regretted what i said because sadness was hovering namjoon's eyes right now. i probably reminded him of his dead sister.

"no, jae hee. don't you ever use that method again. i'll help you, alright? i'll definitely help you. i'll always be with you. i'm really sorry if i said some sensitive words."

i nodded my head.

-

legit cries bc i haven't started my mountain of hw yet