pretty | namjoon

xv

i feel like my heart's going to burst out any moment. i totally forgot about having to face more people in my school after my surgery.

it was not surprising, as i got home, my parents just took a glance at me and returned to whatever they were doing. they did not make a comment about my figure or my disappearance. i felt a bit hurt because it seemed like they don't give a damn about me.

but then at the same time, they were always like that so why should i be concern about them? they weren't there when i needed them the most and yet when they were upset, i would try my best to cheer them up.

standing in front of the school gate right now, i bit my lips in hesitation as to whether i should just go in or walk away. there were no people at the gate since all of the students except me was being dropped off at the porch. they had the privilege of having their parents to send them to school. while me? i had to walk all the way from my home to school.

i badly wanted to walk away from the school gate and just skip school for today, but then if i skip it right now, sooner or later, i still had to attend school no matter what.

so i decided to just walk into the school gate and i set my mindset to the right place – survive through today.

•••

"oh my god, is that shin jae hee?"

"chicken is not my style but she seems like my style."

"how did she manage to become so slim?!"

"goals af omg!"

"gahhh, she became so pretty."

i could finally feel myself smiling. i could finally sense that i'm happy. all the comments i hear right now are positive ones and i couldn't be more happy. this was the type of attention i wanted compared to last time's attention which i always received.

the compliments made me felt more confident. and that was what i always wanted. i want to be a confident person now. i don't want to be the old jae hee anymore.

from now on, it's the new shin jae hee with a higher self-esteem.

•••

soo kyung texted me that she did not come to school again today. i didn't bother to reply her message so i just seen her message. but, i think she still doesn't know that i've heard what she said in the bathroom a week ago.

"jae hee?" a voice snapped me out of my trance. i turned around swiftly, and there stood in front of me was the guy that i had always crushed on for so long.

park jimin.

i was appalled that he actually approached me first, because i didn't expect him to do so. i used to always just admire him from far and in silence.

but right now, my dream guy was standing right in front of me. i couldn't be more happier, and indeed, i do feel a sparkle of happiness inside of me.

"jimin?" i replied, unsure. i was afraid that i would say the wrong words and give him the wrong impression. part of me still has a crush on him while the other part... i'm not sure of my feelings.

he gave me a warm smile and ruffled his hair softly, a small blush appearing on his pale cheeks. my heart still fluttered at the small yet cute action of his.

"so, j-jae hee, i, uh," he started stuttering and stopped his sentence as if he was hesitating. i hummed in a response, which was loud and clear for him to hear and he harrumphed.

"c-can you go on a date with me t-tomorrow?"

•••

i stumbled upon someone familiar sitting on the benches at school's backyard. a smile formed on my lips as i immediately knew who it was.

"namjoon?" i called out as i approached him. he looked up from his lap and his expression turned from gloomy to bright. i saw that there were papers on his lap, so i think he might be doing his homework.

nonetheless, i sat beside him. all of a sudden, we heard a sound and realised that a pen was dropped onto the ground. i chuckled, and bended down to reach for the pen but at the same time another hand was grabbing the hand. like cliché moments, our hands brushed each other and a sense of electricity surged through my body.

before i could pull my hands away, namjoon held my hands tight and firm, not letting go at any moment.

"you know sometimes," he whispered.

"i hope there will be a miracle of you loving me more than me loving you."

-

i love sad endings