Over the Edge

Ch.16-Escalating

~Emmalyn~

The weeks following the humiliating incident in front of Rhys weren't kind.

I tried to keep the inner hysterical girl hidden, but I could feel her slowly emerging, clawing and ripping her way out of me. I was losing it. Completely losing it. Everything reminded me of him and I could tell my mother was getting worried. Sometimes I could hear her talking with Dad late at night, when she thought I was sleeping.

But that was another thing. Nights were sleepless, even with the sleeping pills.

And, God, those pills.

I sat one morning in the bathroom, the door locked. I was sitting on the edge of the tub, facing the sink, staring at the open cabinets. I feared what was happening to me. This hunger, this craving for those many bottles hidden away in the cabinets, whispering to me. Begging to be taken, to be consumed. My fingers itched to appease them while my head reprimanded my foolishness. I wasn't sure what to do anymore. I wanted to escape but deep down I remembered two years ago when I nearly didn't come back from such a thing.

"You are one evil little bastard," I mumbled bitterly at the inanimate pill bottle.

"Emma?" my mom called from below. "Are you ready? You'll be late for school!"

I hopped up off the tub and after a last second's thought, the little gremlins chatting away in my head persuaded me to grab the bottle. I stuffed it in my backpack, wrenched the bathroom door open, and I trotted down the stairs. I tried not to look guilty, to keep the façade that everything was super-duper. I had never been good at faking it, though.

And my mom, with her past, she knew exactly how to see right through me.

"Are you okay?" she asked analytically, her eyes narrowing as she took me in. I shifted on my feet, gripping my backpack strap tighter.

"I'm fine, Mom," I muttered. "Can I go?"

She held out a muffin. "I made muffins. Hungry?"

I wasn't. I hadn't had much of an appetite lately, but I took it anyway and forced a smile. "Very. Thanks."

She nodded, not looking at all convinced. I spared one last half-smile before quickly turning and practically running to the car. I hopped in and sped out of the driveway, knowing full well I was probably going ten miles over the speed limit but not caring. I had this horrible misconception that I could outrun my problems. One day it would come back to bite me in the ass.

I rolled into a parking space and climbed out. The sound was muffled, but I could hear the clatter of the pills in my bag like a blaring megaphone. Did people know how close I was to the edge of losing it? Could they see it on my face? I dug my nails into my palms, forcing myself to calm down, even when it felt like every pair of eyes in the world was honed in on me.

"Emma."

I jumped, whirling around only to see Rose standing there. She frowned.

"Everything alright?" she asked.

I fought the urge to snap at her and bit my tongue. I was so freaking tired of people asking me that when I so clearly wasn't, but it would be a cold day in hell before I admitted such a thing. "Perfectly fine," I replied. The smile I pasted on felt more like a grimace. "How are you?"

"Great! Luke and I already have an idea on what classics we're gonna choose. I'm so glad Mr. Matthews paired us together; we have so much in common!"

I ground my teeth together. It was wrong to hate people for their success, right? "That's awesome."

"Yeah . . . So how're you doing? Make any significant headway with Sir Badass?"