Seventeen

9

☆☆☆☆

Michael's fidgeting, fingers fumbling against each other under the table, leg shaking constantly, stomach tense and tight. He glances up when Calum leads Ashton in by the shoulders, following the two of them with his eyes. Calum guides Ashton to a chair at the table in Calum and Luke's shared apartment, before he sits himself next to Luke.

"So," Calum breaks the silence while Ashton stares at his hands in his lap and Luke chews nervously on his nails. "Something happened."

"You ruined it," Ashton accuses angrily, shooting Michael a dangerous look. Michael startles and turns away quickly, even though it wasn't his fault. He tends to shy away from Ashton when he's angry, avoids confrontation because he loves Ashton. "You ruin everything, fuck-" Ashton cuts off and takes a big, shuddery breath, looking down at his hands again. He's shaking, but Michael doesn't know if it's with rage or nerves.

"Ashton," Calum says gently, quickly following it up with, "Shut the fuck up."

"You shut up," Ashton mutters back petulantly, but Calum just ignores him. He huffs a but when he sits back in his chair, bitterly avoiding Michael's eyes.

"Who is Nine?" Calum asks Michael patiently. He crosses his arms over the table top and raises his eyebrows, but Michael just looks down.

Michael smooths his hand against his jean covered thighs for a second, then crunches them up into fists, again. He repeats the process twice, licking over his lips, Belmore he speaks, again. "Me. Nine is me. Sort of, I guess."

"What?" Luke sits forward. "What do you mean?"

"Nine is a personality," Michael explains slowly. "Like- it's hard to explain." He sets his allows on the table and rubs at his forehead forcefully, sighing heavily and squeezing his eyes shut tight.

Calum reaches over and wraps his paint stained fingers around Michael's wrist until he looks over. "It's okay, Mikey. Tell us when you're ready. Just start from the beginning, okay?"

Michael squeezes his eyes shut again and turns his head back into his palms. He allows his teeth to grit together for a minute, enjoying the dull pull of pain it sends through his mouth, then sighs and starts explaining. "I guess- I don't know- when I go through deep emotional trauma, or whatever, my brain can't handle it, so it creates a different personality to take over and do it for me. And when I get stressed, the personalities pop up, based on which one can handle the problem the best, and they control my body. They take care of it, because I can't."

Calum's nodding in understanding when Michael peels one eye open and looks over at him. "How many do you have?"

"Three," Michael says quietly. "Nine, was the first. He took over when my dad killed my mom when I was nine. He's a kid, that's all, he just wants to do childish shit and mess around. And Twenty came around because my boyfriend left me when I was twenty, told me I was fucked up and he never loved me. They're really clean, because I lived in a really dirty apartment at the time and-" Michael pauses and sucks in a sharp breath. He glances over them all and sees Calum watching him with an understanding expression, Luke confused, and Ashton a slightly nervous, horrified look.

Michael decides if he's going to spill his guts, he might do it all at once and get it over with. "-And Twenty killed him. My ex boyfriend. No one knew, because they were so clean, they cleaned everything before the cops even knew he was missing."

"You killed-" Ashton manages to get out, before Calum cuts him off with a sharp hiss of, "Ashton. Shut up." Ashton snaps his mouth shut and looks away, turning so Michael can only see the back of his head, to look at Luke.

"They," Calum mentions, instead of focusing on the obvious part of the statement. "Twenty is trans?"

Michael nods. "I- I thought I was bigender at the time. Twenty likes gender neutral pronouns."

Calum nods again. "The third?"

Michael swallows thickly and glances over at the back of Ashton's head. "Seventeen." Ashton stiffens, but Michael continues. "She- I, uh, I was raped. By my English teacher when I was seventeen. Seventeen took me over for a month to deal with it, sent him to jail, and all, but she got bored and started painting. She's the only one that can paint."

Ashton flinches and turns away even more, hiding his face from all three of them.

Luke stares at him for a second, before looking up slowly to make eye contact with Michael. "They," he trails off, looking at Calum for confirmation before continuing. "The personalities. They don't like us."

Michael shakes his head sadly. "Uh, not really," he admits. "Nine doesn't like you guys because you like me, and he hates me-" he cuts off abruptly when he gets a flicker of a memory, a slow motion view of Calum's smile when Nine had painted on his forehead. He quickly revises his statement at the memory. "Nine likes Calum. Twenty loves Ashton, but they- they can't trust him. They're only here to protect me from boys like my ex boyfriend, and-"

"-and they're going to kill me," Ashton finishes abruptly, spinning back around to face the table. He stares at the wooden surface, hands clutching his stomach through his loose sweatshirt like he's going to throw up. "You're going to kill us- me. You're going to kill me."

"I'm not," Michael assures him quickly. "I won't let them hurt you, I have full control over Twenty. They're weak."

"They- you fucking killed someone!" Ashton yells.

"Ashton," Calum says again.

"I'm not going to shut up!" Ashton snaps, voice edging on hysterical. He flicks his eyes to Calum abruptly and pulls a hand out to tug at his hair. He must have some sort of product in it, because it sticks straight up when he pulls his hand through his honey curls. "I'm- I spent half my fucking life trying to find Seventeen and then- then you tell me she isn't even real? Fuck this! Fuck you, Michael!"

"She real," Michael says quietly. Every doctor he's ever seen- which, admittedly, isn't a lot- has told him that his personalities are real. They're there, in his head, knocking at his skull and squeezing his brain, and he can't get rid of them. He knows they're really because he can't make them leave. Therapy doesn't work, medication doesn't work, nothing works. They always come back out and fuck up his life.

"She's not!" Ashton yells, slamming his hands down on the table to punctuate the statement. Luke jumps and leans forward instantly to wrap his fingers around one of Ashton's wrists, but Ashton just rips away from him. "Don't fucking touch me!" He yells.

Luke looks over at Calum, like he needs reassurance or permission, and Calum nods. "Let's go for a walk," Luke says firmly. He doesn't really give Ashton a choice before he stands up abruptly and pulls Ashton up by his shoulder. Ashton stumbles back and accidentally bumps into the chair, making it fall to the ground with a loud bang. Michael flinches away from the sund, but Luke drags Ashton out of the kitchen before he can say anything.

Michael turns to Calum slowly and mutters, "I think I fucked up."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Calum assures him gently. "You should have told us, but I understand why you didn't. Ashton's just- well, it's not really my place to tell, but Ashton's just going through some stuff. Luke will help him."

Michael slumps in his chair. He feels terrible for hurting Ashton. He feels terrible for telling the three of them, even though he knew it had to come out eventually. He still feels like absolute shit. Before he can go pitying himself anymore, Calum reaches out and gently pats his arm.

"S'not your fault," he assures Michael. "Ashton will get over it, he's just worried. Can you tell me more about them?" Michael sits back, pressing his spine to the chair and arches to stretch his muscles for a second. When he slumps forward again, he pulls his hand away from Calum and sets it on his own thigh.

"I will," he assures Calum. "Someday."

((Is anyone else's Wattpad app giving them absolute hell??

Also if you thought this and last chapter was a bombshell, wait for the next one lol

-Mel))