Last night's season premiere of the Bachelor was everything we expected and more. Ben looked hot AF yet had the self-esteem of Laney Boggs. The contestants were beautiful yet weird and unemployed and Chris Harrison asked the probing questions that we all hadn't even thought to investigate yet. "Becca, will you put out for Ben if given the opportunity?"
One thing we were surprised by was how much of a crier Ben is. Like, serious mamma's boy style. It's only the opener and Ben is already weeping about being unlovable. Also, he's constantly calling and texting his parents as if he were an 11 year old daddy's girl who just got to camp. "Dad, I'm here. The people are really pretty. Please send my lip smackers and Dunkaroos with the chocolate frosting." Let's break down the start of what promises to be a very tearful, "dramatic" season.
Ben's Opener
"Warsaw, Indiana feels like America" – Well it def feels more American than Warsaw Poland.
Ben: I constantly stop in with my former teachers at my high school to say hi. - Ben, get a life.
Ben's biggest fear is being unlovable. "I wanna find a woman where I can say I love you and she can say it back." - big goals Ben, big goals.
"YOU ARE LOVABLE BEN!" - Every woman on her couch in America.
Pow wow with former sell-outs Jason Mesnik, Chris Soules, and Sean Lowe
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Chris Soules: You have one opportunity to meet your wife so like, get as much head as you can.
I'm getting serious Brendan Frasier in Bedazzled vibes from him. No one wants your advice Chris, you're single.
Chris Soules: You gotta give 110%
"Just follow your heart it was all worth it"... okay but like Jason Mesnik, you cheated on the girl you picked with the runner up soooo.....
Ben is wearing a bracelet that says 'hope'...whoever he picks is going to need to address his jewelry choices.
The Girls/Cocktail Party
Lauren B: Flight attendant that loves meeting new people and drinking wine with her friends. Honestly this sounds like a bad match.com bio.
Caila Quinn: Lover of walking on the side of highways. Looks like Catherine. Loves Boston which TBH is a deal breaker. Likes painting ugly shit and breaking up with her boyfriend for unattainable reality stars. There's definitely something wrong with YOU, not your boyfriend, when you break up with him because you like a guy you saw on TV. She and Ben are both in software sales so like, they have the most boring aspect of their life in common.
