I found a note i wrote in october last year and i just wanted to share it i dont really know why but here we go
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I literally lie to my friends..
Those few I have.
I don't even want to..
But I ... I do.
Why is it so hard to say it?
So hard to tell them the truth?
What would happen?
What would happen if I told them the truth?
That I'm sick in my mind.
That My dark mind has taken over my body.
That these scars arent from my pets and when I say I'm fine.. well i'm not.
I dont even know why I keep holding on, why I try so hard.
Everyday..every fucking day
To smile, fake smile
when I'm actually burning inside.
I'm burning in hell.. Aka life.
I cant even remember how it was ..
How it was living easy, being happy all the time..
To have the easy problems like that it was raining.
Now I'm missing the rain when the clouds leave and the sun slowly appears and says
'hello you little mistake'
I'm sorry if I'm always this negative..
Actually no, I'm not fucking sorry.
What do I have to be sorry for?
Nobody aint gonna tell me how to be..
I was born this way.
I'd turn out like this no matter what.
I dont know what to do
I dont know what to think
Am I even alive or am I just here breathing?
I'm sick, not in the way most of you people think.
My heart is frozen, I feel myself go under..
This pain hunts me everyday..
I dont even wanna talk to anyone about it.
My eyes is cold and my soul is empty.
I used to be scared of the dark and now I'm sitting here in my cold dark room and just crying...
Crying & crying & crying & crying.
It hurts my heart everytime someone ask me how I feel and I say "I'm fine".
I'm starting to feel empty, just like that..
1 second changes everything.
Its a feeling that i cant explain, the feeling when you just totally random feel depressed, you wanna cut your whole arms just like that.. Doesnt matter where you are.
You start to get tears in your eyes but just blink them away..
I know I'm not the only one who thinks like this..
This is all my thoughts, all my words..
From my dark nights alone in my room.
