Dead On More Than Impact (Rayrard & Frerard)

Chapter Six: Immersing and Nonsubmersible

Gerard POV:

The car ride home with Mikey and Chelsea was the most awkward thing I had ever had to live through. They stayed absolutely quiet and snuck glances at each other every once in a while. It made me happy that they were happy, but it also made me sad. I wouldn't be this happy in a very long time. I chose to look out of my window and felt anxious to get out of the car. Mikey was tapping his fingers quickly on the dashboard and that was something he did when he had something serious on his mind. I could only wonder what was going through his head. Was he mad at me? Was I going to rehab anyways? Did I do something wrong? Did he find the scalpel? The last thought made my heart race. He couldn't have found the scalpel and I didn't do anything wrong.

The car stopped in my driveway and my heart sped up. I opened the door quickly before Mikey could speak and I walked to my door. I unlocked it and didn't look back. I placed my keys on the kitchen table before I sat on my couch and waited. I tapped my fingers on my leg before I rolled my eyes and peeked through the window. Mikey and Chelsea were smiling and talking in the car. I smiled as I watched them. They really were cute. I saw Mikey gesturing with his hands and Chelsea laughing until her face turned red. It was certianly a sight to see. I was about to stop watching them through the window when Mikey leaned in and kissed her. My heart stopped and I felt a bittersweet happiness. I loved them together. It put two of my favorite people together, but it left me aching and missing Ray. I hugged myself and leaned back onto the couch. I closed my eyes and only heard Mikey enter my front door. I hoped that I wasn't in trouble, but I, also, wasn't ready to hear about their happy relationship. I couldn't stand it. I opened my left eye and peeked at Mikey as he walked into the kitchen and made some coffee. Just at the mention of coffee, I thought of Frank.

I felt guilty for thinking of Frank in the middle of my pain, but it helped. The pain seemed to escape. I opened my eyes and spotted my home phone on the table in the corner. It was still unplugged. I got up from the couch and actually felt my arms shaking. I didn't know if I was ready for this yet. I walked slowly towards the wall and plugged it in. The phone was silent and I backed away.

I yelped when Mikey spoke up from behind me, "I'm surprised. What made you do it?"

I spun around and met Mikey's eyes. I wanted to think of a good excuse for Mikey, but it was hard. Why would I do this? Why would I stop behaving like I was depressed? I'm still depressed sometimes. I knew that much. I didn't have an answer to any of the questions that were being thrown at me. All I could think of for the phone was Frank. Frank calmed me down. Frank was just like me. He would understand me. I needed someone to understand what I was going through. I looked down without explaining and Mikey started to walk off.

"Frank, that's why." I spoke in a whisper but Mikey heard me.

He turned around and raised an eyebrow, "Frank, as in the guy who kept staring at you throughout the entire meeting? That tattooed guy, Frank?"

I nodded and smiled at the memory of his tattoos, "Yeah, Frank."

Mikey raised his other eyebrow and opened his mouth again, but the coffee maker interrupted him and I was grateful. I didn't know how to explain why I needed Frank. I didn't understand why Frank and I were so much alike, but we were. I could tell just by looking at him.

I could hear Mikey pouring two mugs full of coffee. I walked into the kitchen and dug around the cabinets until I found what I was looking for. One alcohol meeting wasn't going to be enough. I hid the bottle under my coat and poured it in the mug that was meant for me while Mikey was looking for the sugar. I took my coffee immediately and drank it. I liked my coffee black.

We sat down at my table and Mikey sipped his coffee and poured in the correct amount of sugar and creamer in between. I watched his movements and the calmness of the moment made my eyes droop. I haven't been awake this long since Ray and I had gone to the diner. I sipped quietly and waited for Mikey to start talking. He only made coffee for the both of us if we were going to have a talk about something. I could already feel the alcohol running through my system and I relaxed into my chair. Maybe I would get through this without feeling emotionally drained.