Her Saving Grace {girlxgirl}

Chapter 14

• All will be revealed.. ;)
• Dedicated to grrraacceee69
• Collage of Engagement party

    "Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that's the one that is going to require the most from you" ~ Caroline Myss

              
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November
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Grace didn't show up to work on Monday, or Tuesday..or Wednesday..or Thursday. I call her every day at breakfast, lunch and before I go to bed but the only sliver of her voice I hear is her voicemail telling me she can't be reached at this moment but I should leave a message. I have done..every single time, I wonder has she listened to them? Sat and stared at her phone while it buzzed and rang with my name flashing on the screen begging to be answered. The first time I called was Sunday, the day after everything happened, I tried to leave a voicemail because so much had to be said, but Grace was not in a position to hear my meaningless chatter. Yet it was not meaningless to me, the expression could possibly cause her pain or it may release her from her depths of despair. How do I know she's in despair? She may be celebrating the loss of our relationship, but I'll never know because she won't pick up the phone.

I quickly sat up from my desk and made my way to the door. Hastily I speed walked - okay I ran - to the intern cubicles. I scanned each diligently, sighing I realised I was too late. He was gone. Every damn day this week, he disappeared. Who? Connor, ever since Grace stopped coming to work this week he's been disappearing at the same time every day. Coincidence? I think not! For lunch I avoid the cafe Grace and I regularly ate at, I wasn't ready for it. Stupid? I don't care, it's my opinion and I'm not ready to face going to a place so familiarised with Grace.

I ate my lunch alone. I'm starting to get used to being alone lately, I'm not sure if I like it or not. When I think about it, I've been alone most of my life, never had siblings, not many friends through high school, Eli has a habit of leaving me anytime we do something a normal couple would do..and now Grace has done the same. You deserve this one though. That..that is probably true, I do deserve to be alone for what I did to her, for the choice I made while she was in the dark. I just wish I could talk to her..one last time. I finished up my lunch and work alone.

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I adjusted my dress so many times I lost count, I felt a sea of anxiety wash over me, bashing my nerves and emotions about like waves against the rocks at shore. I can't do this. I know I can't do this. A hand slipped into mine and squeezed it gently. My palms are sweaty..whoever took hold of my hand didn't seem to care, I just stared ahead at the large white door, knowing that right behind it there would be people to judge me, criticise me and pick me apart like chicken from a bone. Weird way to compare myself but..you get the idea.

The large white doors swung open, waves of laughter, cheers and shouting hit us, their chattering was deafening and I wished I could be in my office, my apartment or really..anywhere but here. A roar of 'congratulations' broke out among them. Time stood still and I stared at the anonymous figures that were pulsating with a jolly energy that I seemed to lack in that very moment. My feet weren't moving yet somehow I was either being dragged or pushed in, I really couldn't tell nor did I care, my only concern was the mass of bodies that were going to suffocate me in the white floral room that seemed too blindingly bright to be natural.

I shook people's sweaty hands till mine were numb, I said thank you till my mouth dried out. I made meaningless chatter till I found out what the weather is like across all 50 states and I smiled till I felt my skin split. These are the joys of engagement parties, this is the joy of my engagement party. I will point out one noteworthy thing..Eli kept up with the smiling happy couple act just as well as I did, I believe he even outdid me, but maybe it wasn't so hard to.