Beyond Life

Chapter 40 : Losing Grip

Natalie's P.O.V.

Sticks cracked all around as I stumbled after Rose and Thomas, a river of apprehension running over me, drowning out all of the basic instincts that I had spent my entire life learning.
If I had of been paying more attention to my feet and my surroundings, maybe I would have seen the deadened individuals that lurked lethargically every few metres, turning their dead eyes to follow my every movements, hungry for my panicking heart.
If Thomas disappeared then all of this would be for nothing. He had woken Rose up just hours ago and led her away into the dark forest nearby, eliciting the first spark of unease at their secrecy. I had hurried after them, keeping as quiet as I could until they stopped and Thomas walked off, leaving Rose to wait for him to return.
As she stood there vulnerably there had never been a more perfect moment to end her life and get her out of the way. But as I was contemplating ending hers, someone, or something, else was plotting to end mine. Or rather take a bite into my skin.
Dead, rotting hands clawed at my clothes, dragging me away from the scene just as Thomas reentered it, taking Rose's hand. An uncharacteristic jealousy flared up in my chest as I watched them, whilst I was being dragged backwards into a dark abyss.

I woke up screaming, sweat plastering my hair to the back of my neck, my arms splaying out wildly.
Pain shot up my left arm as the bone of my wrist connected with a sharp rock.
"Ugh!" I buried my face into my knees which had been drawn up against my chest as I slept.
Somebody prodded my shoulder gently.
"Are you okay?"
I said nothing in reply, not wanting the pity of one of the people I would be betraying any day now.
"Nightmares can't hurt you, you know." Newt sat down beside me and I ached to move away, needing the space now of all times but I knew that if I did that then the fragile trust that remained intact between us would dissipate, along with my chances and getting out of here with Thomas.
"Says who?" I finally asked after pondering on his words, turning to face him, unwanted tears springing to my eyes.
For once, they were real, not a by product of some fake emotion but a real human reaction to the situation I was in.
My body ached, my throat burned with the lack of water under the scorching sun during the afternoons, my stomach growled constantly as it ran out of edible plants and was forced into the same eating habits as everyone else; eating whenever there was food available.
My body was cut and bruised beyond recognition and I hated to think about my knotted and dirty hair hanging down my back or the disgusting clothes I wore, clotted with dirt, blood and sweat.
And to top it off, I was going crazy.
Nightmares pursued me persistently every time my eyes closed, keeping my body from a peaceful sleep and my mind from being in a sane set of mind during my waking hours.
"Says me. I've seen my fair share of nightmares, real and bloody imagined." I pursed my lips tightly, not wanting to agree that he had seen things, unimaginable things, but knowing that he in particular had seen more deaths than many mazer's experienced.
"Then how do I stop them?" I whispered to him, turning my face to hide the fact that tears slid freely down them, hating how vulnerable I had become just because of stupid images in my mind.
"You can't. You wait and wait until you've had so little sleep that your body couldn't possibly imagine up a scenario worse than not sleeping in your mind. And then you'll get one good nights sleep."
He stood, rocks clattering off of his pants as he did.
"I wish I could say it gets easier but shuck... I don't think it does." With those words he was walking back to Cat, who had fallen asleep a long time ago, her hands keeping her cheek off of the cold dirt, her face peaceful and calm for the first time since I had met her.
He sat beside her, even sitting his stance was protective and his eyes softened when he looked over at her.
I wanted to hate them, I wanted to hate her for being the centre of his world, the reason that the sun and moon shone, for being good enough to make someone happy without hurting or forcing them.
And I wanted to hate him for being able to literally put her life before his own, for being able to take her for what she was at her worst, I wanted to hate him for understanding me so well and holding them all together but I just couldn't anymore.
Maybe it was the lack of food and water, or perhaps the long exposure to the sun but I just didn't have the energy to hate. All I wanted was to get out of here, or give up entirely.