Grounder Spirits

Chapter 2

Clarke and Lexa returned to Polis and things suddenly changed. Lexa never visited Clarke anymore, and whenever she did it was always something to do with her position as ambassador of the Sky people. It has been months now, 4 months exactly, and Clarke was getting angrier. She understood that her weird pregnancy was making their positions as heda and wanheda harder but Lexa was a part of this too. And she was leaving Clarke to deal with it on her own. This was different from Mount Weather. This was something they had to do together. Clarke felt her stomach growing and she could feel the swell of the baby now. It was strange for her to comprehend. Grounders seemed to be even more in awe of her than before. Every Grounder suddenly wanted to get to know her. Except Lexa.

"You sent for me?" Lexa asked, her voice tight and her face stoic.

Clarke turned around, facing Lexa with a hard glare. "What exactly do you think you're doing?"

"Preparing for war," Lexa answered, as if she didn't know what Clarke was talking about. "I leave tomorrow at dawn. You stay here."

Clarke growled at Lexa. "We planned this war together," she hissed, stepping closer. She was actually so close to punching Lexa. She was craving it. "I am going with you and you don't have a say in it. You can't keep me locked in here because I'm an inconvenience for you."

"You are not locked, Clarke. Nor are you an inconvenience. It's simply safer for you to stay here," Lexa spoke. "If you wish, I can send you back to your people. Now that the war is here we do not need you here anymore."

"You don't need me here anymore," Clarke said, her shoulders dropping. She was finally allowing herself to feel. To love. And Lexa has turned her walls back up.

Lexa lowered her head. "I didn't say that, Clarke. You're putting your words in my mouth. Your safety would be jeopardized if you travel with us. It would be a long walk, long a few days, you must not strain yourself."

"I am not weak," Clarke said sharply. 

A hint of smile appeared on Lexa's lips. "No, you are not. But my decision has been finalized. You're staying in Polis."

Clarke groaned, rolling her eyes so hard she was afraid they would get stuck in the back of her head. She was so frustrated. She took off her top and threw it on the ground. 

Lexa's eyes widened. "What are you doing?"

"I'm changing. Because I was still wearing my clothes and it's night so I'm changing into my sleeping attire," she explained.

Lexa's eyes moved down to the swell of Clarke's stomach, her hands trembling to reach out. She closed her eyes, swallowed her emotions, and stood there rigid. "I apologize for interrupting you," she spoke, planning to sound strong but instead her voice cracked and changed into a rasp.

"Lexa," Clarke said softly.

"None of the previous commanders have ever had a child before," Lexa suddenly said, surprising both of them. She could see the unspoken question in Clarke's eyes. "Our lifespans are not very long. We do not live long enough to feel real love. Or to start a family. We did not believe it was even possible." Lexa walked closer, exhaling slowly. "I was sure my death would come with uniting the 12 clans. And then when I agreed to a risky alliance with Sky people. What happened at Mount Weather was something many of my people disagreed on. That could have been my end as well." 

Clarke didn't understand why Lexa was telling her this. It seemed like she didn't care that much about her or the baby anyway. "Lexa, where are you going with this?"

"I have achieved impossible," Lexa said proudly. "I united the 12 clans. Added the 13th. The mountain has fallen. Much people wish to destroy me. The Ice Queen wishes to destroy me. To let you march with us to the battle tomorrow would mean I was sending you on a death mission. If I fall tomorrow, my people will listen to you. I need you to stay here, safe. I will double the security. If I fall, you are the next commander. Until now the spirit has been the one to choose a new one, but until that child turns 16, you are in charge."

"Wait, you're saying that this baby is already assigned to be the new commander?" 

Lexa nodded. "Those are our ways, yes. But like I said, no commander has ever had a child before. I will send Octavia to be your guard. I trust my people, she does not. If she fears you are in danger, she will act on it." She turned around and was ready to leave.

"Lexa, wait," Clarke called out. "Are you saying goodbye? Do you plan on dying tomorrow?"

"I plan on returning," Lexa said. "But a lot can go wrong. The Ice Nation is ruthless. I have been betrayed by other clans as well. Our number of warriors is lower than theirs. Tomorrow's battle either ends with my death or Nia's."

Clarke really hoped that it would be Lexa returning to Polis and not Nia taking over the coalition. "I don't plan on saying goodbye to you," she said. Clarke realized she still hasn't put her shirt back on and awkwardly crossed her arms over her stomach.

Lexa stepped closer. "May I?" she whispered, reaching out towards Clarke's abdomen.

"Lexa, you have been ignoring me for months now," Clarke said instead and watched Lexa's hopeful expression turn into defeat. It was so hard to be mad at her when she had the saddest eyes Clarke has ever known. 

"I know," Lexa said. "I wish I knew why." But she knew why. She was weak. And scared that Clarke would be taken away from her if she paid too much attention to her and not enough to the war.

But Clarke saw right through her. "I'm not just going to disappear Lexa," Clarke said. "You have me guarded so hard that I can't even walk outside to the balcony. There are always at least two warriors by my side. I can't walk through Polis. I can't walk through the forest. The only human contact I've had has been when I am able to go to Arkadia."

"I'm sorry," Lexa murmured softly. "I can not lose you, Clarke. I do not know who to trust. Your people are on my side, but everything else is a mystery. I can not send you into the city when someone, who I thought was an ally, can just take you. You are always going to be a target."

"Why? Why am I a target?"

Lexa stepped even closer, now she was in Clarke's personal space. "Because I am weak, Clarke. I am weak with you. And a commander's child is a high price for anyone who wants to harm me. It is unlike anything that has ever happened before."

"Then let me deal with it," Clarke said. "Lexa, you keep saying that this is your baby but not once has you asked me how the baby is doing. You escort me to the Polis walls and then back to this room but you don't seem to care what's happening. I'm 19 years old. And I'm having a kid. And that scares the crap out of me because I have no idea what I'm doing."

"I do care, Clarke. Which is why I need you to stay here. I did not mean to come off cold. And I do care about the baby." Lexa realized she has screwed this up more than she thought. She looked around the room. "May we meet again."

Those words made Clarke's blood boil. "Don't you dare walk away now, Lexa. If you do this I will freely walk into Polis."

"But you don't want me here," Lexa stated confused.

Clarke finally managed to get her long sleeved tunic on, one that was cotton soft and intended for sleep during colder months. "It seems like you don't want to be here." She sat down on the bed and sighed.

"What do you want me to do?"

Clarke knew that she could never convince Lexa to not go to war the next day. "Stay with me tonight," she pleaded.

Lexa stood frozen for a few minutes until she finally managed a small nod. She took off her boots and watched Clarke lay down on her bed. She was wearing casual clothes, she would put on armor and war paint tomorrow. She hesitantly laid down next to Clarke who was laying on her side, away from her. Lexa scooted closer, one hand slipping under Clarke's neck and the other over her waist. "I don't want to keep hurting you, Clarke."

Clarke nodded, because she knew that every time she was hurting Lexa was hurting as well. "Just sleep please. We'll talk more when you get back."

Lexa allowed herself to brush her fingertips against Clarke's abdomen, feeling their growing baby for the first time. Her normally steady hand was trembling as she brushed it against the soft skin. "I will return to you, Clarke. To you and Sky baby."

"It's a Grounder baby too," Clarke whispered, her eyes closing. "Sky commander baby," she added. Lexa let out a raspy chuckle which made Clarke's heart flutter. They stayed like this until the morning when Lexa left.