Rehabilitation (a tony x loki fic)

Shift

(note; the christmas special chapter is not canon to this story and it continues here since the last chapter. Also; I'm going to assume my writing is of better quality than it was before. Is it?)

He was not healed, he doubted that the damage done by this hellish torment would ever fully leave him be, though he recalled that it was common for things to go that way with those who have seen or been through true agony. He was yet to accept that he was one, in the sense that he deserved respect and compassion for being a survivor of his experience.

Loki knew what had happened to him, but not what it had truly done to him, let alone how much it had changed his life forever and beyond. He hoped he would someday but for now, his head refused to work in the same mindset it did before all of this. Perhaps he had outgrown his rage and desire for revenge for a deeper more painful damage that set his goals in a different course. What did it matter? He was here now, not where he was before. Why did his mind wander so much now anyway? He was not like this when he was strong...

Right. Not strong anymore. Why can I not accept that?

"You still here?" He stopped overthinking his dreary situation when he heard Stark's voice, realizing he had forgotten where he was for a moment. His came back to the present and sighed, taking a sip of the 'cheap beer' Tony had shared with him when he wandered into the bar. It was supposed to get better, but instead, it was awkward and uncomfortable around him at this point.

Alright, alright, he was assuming that to be fair. It had been two days so far and wounds were recovering well, the helicarrier was swiftly being patched up and Tony was spry and on his feet, his arm was going to take longer to heal up of course. Loki wondered if their little situation was in the heat of the moment, fearing that it was something that came about of the situation they faced instead of a rational feeling. 

They had all just nearly died, what if Stark had not been thinking straight? By the time they tore themselves off of one another, they looked fairly happy with themselves but... the assumptions! How could he be so sure? This was ruining him! It had to be gone by now, it was a spur of the moment. Was it? He didn't want it to be like that!

Tony was well aware that Loki was in deep thought right now, they were sitting side by side on the black leather couch yet again, but it didn't feel like they were that close together right now. That worried him. Should it? Who knows. He hoped Loki didn't think it was some kind of heat of the moment encounter they had but he was nervous in terms of talking about it so soon... but if he didn't they might stagnate and the whole thing would fade away completely.

"I...can I ask you something?" Tony slid into the conversation gently, his concerns that this would get out of hand were very real right now. Things didn't seem to be fixed yet, nor stable. How could he ask him if they were good? If it was real? Loki looked to him, nodding. "Of course." He replied softly, an improvement to his previous reactions.

Tony inhaled. Alright, say it. Do it already.

"Are we... you know..." He stopped, pursing his lips and looking forward. Loki looked at him with a restrained confusion, what did he mean by this? "Did you not want us to be...that?" Tony's eyes widened, sitting up straight and looking back at him. "What- no no! Of course I do! Yes! I just wanted to, I guess... make sure it wasn't a heat of the moment thing, I guess." He exhaled, at a loss of where to go with this.

"It's been a while since I've had someone I genuinely... love. I guess. I mean, there's lust, there's someone being attractive but..." Loki watched him attentively, Stark's turmoil over him was something that was... confusing. "I'm actually scared of screwing this up. That must sound so sappy and all that but...yeah." He looked to Loki to see his reaction if there was one at all.

To his surprise, Loki managed a genuine smile. The truth was that this was the first time that he could remember someone genuinely caring for him in this way. Going out of their way to show it, trying to protect him despite their past grievances, all of that. No one had done this, no one had genuinely felt this way... his mother was the only one he recalled truly caring.

My god. He loved him. Stark loved him. He loved Stark back.

"Stark." Loki slowly reached out, pressing his hand over Tony's hand, looking right into his eyes. "If you think that I would not want someone to genuinely care for me when I have never had that kind of genuine love before..." Tony tensed up, shamefully excited by the softness of his voice. "Than you must be very insecure about being loved." In that moment, Tony realized that that was the first time Loki had shown something of who he was before, who he really was. What he really was like.

"Shit, Loki. You got me there. Can we... go somewhere quiet?" He stuttered, standing up with a mix of shock and mild excitement in his movements. This is the Loki he had forgotten about. Loki nodded, knowing that for the first time in forever he had nothing to fear.

In the meantime, Thor was far from not afraid. Things were happening so fast and he was beginning to see that everything was about to become much more complicated than it had ever been before.

Only time would tell if things would end up okay. Of course, that was if "okay" was even an option.