Suicide Notes

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Anna-

Standing at my bedroom window, I cast a worried glance at the darkening sky before looking down at my phone once again. I wasn't sure why I bothered. It was clear Caleb hadn't texted me. His Jeep was still parked in my driveway where I'd left it. Of course it was. The keys were in here. Rolling my eyes at myself, I let a long sigh escape as I moved away from the window and flopped on my bed.

Worry laced through me. He'd been gone for hours now. Visions of him lying in a ditch on the side of the road somewhere, after being hit by a car filled my mind. I wanted to go look for him, but I didn't even know where to start. He could be anywhere on the island by now. Maybe he called a friend to get him? Or perhaps he caught the ferry and went home? But wouldn't he have called me first?

Groaning, I crawled off the bed and paced back toward the window. Peering past the lace curtains and staring across the rooftops to where the water of Puget Sound was growing darker with nightfall, the lights of the city were beginning to twinkle on.

There was a tap on my bedroom door and I turned to see my mom poke her head in. "Sweetheart. You have company." She pushed the door open wider to reveal Caleb standing there. "I'll leave you two alone so you can talk." She flashed me a sympathetic smile and left.

Caleb stepped inside and shut the door behind him before facing me. "Hey," he said softly.

Hurrying across the room, I launched myself at him, throwing my arms around his neck.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed with a short laugh, sounding surprised, but wrapped his arms around me. "What brought all this on?"

Burying my face under his chin, I spoke against his skin. "I've been so worried about you! You've been gone for hours. There's been no reply to my texts. All I could imagine was you lying dead somewhere and this horrible fear that I'd lost both Jessi and you was killing me." Tears leaked down my cheeks, but I didn't care. He could think I was stupid. It was his own fault for scaring me so badly.

His hands ran up and down my back in a soothing fashion. "I'm so sorry, Anna. I didn't realize. My phone died, so I never received your messages."

Even knowing he was here, I couldn't stop panicking. It was like something had broken loose inside me. I realized Caleb had become my anchor. Yes, many were grieving right now; but he was the only one who really understood what I was going through.

"Please tell me what's going on. You've been acting so strange lately. If I've done something to upset you, then tell me so I can fix it. I can't lose you too." There was no way I could let this rift I felt between us grow any bigger.

His grip on me tightened and he sighed. "You aren't losing me. You couldn't lose me if you wanted to."

"What do you mean?" I asked, lifting my head so I could look him in the eye.

Staring back at me, I could read the hesitancy in his gaze. I didn't miss the tick in his jaw again either.

I sighed. "You are upset with me. I can see it. What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "I'm not upset with you. I'm mad at myself." He didn't look away and I could read the truth of his words in his expression, as I heard it in his voice.

"Why? Is there something I can do? I want to help." Truly, I'd do anything for him.

A wry laugh escaped him. "As nice as that would be, I'm afraid it will only make my problem worse."