Sex, drugs, and Wes Gregory

Chapter twelve

You won't ever know what true loneliness feels like until you legit have no one left, until you sag in defeat because you know that no one loves you.

Even though all these years have passed of my mother cursing me out, hitting me, and screaming at me, I held onto that one person that I had. I made myself think that she loved me even when she really didn't.

Making myself believe that was the only way I got through my days, it was the only way I kept a smile on my face even when I wasn't happy.

Now that she has kicked me out of my only home...everything becomes reality.

It is now abundantly clear to me that my mother has disowned me, my father is dead and can't be hear to love me, I have no aunts or uncles...I have no one.

All this time I had made myself believe everything wrong.

What do I have to live for anymore? What is going to keep me moving, what is going to keep me waking up in the mornings? How am I supposed to live?

"I have someone going and picking up all of your things" Wes says with his head bent low and his hood up. "They will be here in about an hour."

The house is fairly big. It's like a normal two story house with four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, dining room, living room and everything.

"Okay" I nod and cross my arms over my chest.

"Keep your car in the garage don't let it out unless my dad is gone. There's plenty of food, shower stuff. Everything you need is here."

"Thank you, Wes"

He shrugs. "It's not a problem. I'll check on you in the mornings and at nights."

He turns to leave but my hand darts out and I grab his arm. He stops but doesn't turn to me.

"You aren't going to leave me here alone, are you?" I ask

He doesn't reply

"I need you right now, Wes. I need somebody or I'm not going to make it."

His hand reaches into his hood and he scratches the back of his neck. "I'll order a pizza. Go take a shower."

"I don't have anything to put on after."

"I'll give you something. Now go before I change my mind."

Twenty minutes later I call out to Wes from the bathroom door.

"I need some clothes" I mumble, hoping he's not looking at me from behind his hood.

He hands me some and I thank him

Closing the door, I slip on the boxers that he had handed me and then I slip the sweatshirt that has Gregory, Wes's last name on the back over my head.

It feels kind of good to wear his clothes, to wear his shirt with his name on it. It kind of makes me feel like I'm his.

"You look good in my clothes" Wes says once I have entered the living room

Trying not to blush, I say, "I feel weird knowing that you can see me but I can't see you."

He huffs and I guess that is the best laugh he can give me.

I sit down on the other end of the couch from him, grabbing a slice of pizza.

Half an hour into watching tv and eating our pizza, my thoughts get the best if me and I begin to speak on them

"You know..." I begin, not really caring if he is listening or not. "A couple of years ago when I was only fourteen my mom picked me up from school and she was shit faced drunk.

"It wasn't often that I saw her drunk at the time and it was bad that time. She was screaming at me and cursing at me in the car. She hadn't ever done that before.

"I asked her and asked her why she was yelling me, what did I do wrong? She just kept yelling at me that she hated me. I was crying but she just screamed for me to shut up.

"Then she stopped the car and shoved me out of it. We were on the high way. And then she sped off. I just stood there on the side of the road. I didn't know what to do, I was just fourteen.

"Eventually a woman stopped and asked me why I was standing there. I didn't want my mom to be in trouble so I lied. I told her that a man had taken me and threw me out. Then she have me a ride home.

"The funny thing was that when I got home, my mom acted like nothing happened, like she didn't throw me out into a highway to die."

It doesn't take me long to realize that I'm balling crying as I tell Wes the story.

"My own mother did that to me." I tell him.

I hadn't realized that Wes had moved so that he is right next me. He puts his arm over my shoulder and holds me to his side.

"Only a few months after that she did something else. I don't remember what I did to get her so angry but I did." I say

"Our basement was freezing all the time. No matter what it was so cold down there even in the summer but in the winter it was even worse.

"She made me get completely naked and stand in the basement corner. She closed the door and made me stand there for hours. I yelled that I was sorry and cold. I kept screaming that I loved her and for her to please let me out.

"I ended up falling asleep down there and when she sobered up she ran downstairs because she realized what she had done. She held me and told me she was sorry, that she loved me."

I give a shrug. "I believed her. No matter what she said or did to me, I needed to believe her because she was the only thing I had left."

"Macy, your mother needs help" he says, his breath warm on top of my wet head. "I'm sorry that all of that happened to you. No one should have to go through what you went through. But despite her being abusive and mean, she needs help. Since you will be staying here, I'm going to make sure she gets the help she needs even if it means her going to jail."

"But what if they try to put me in a foster home?" I ask

"Then I will go through whatever legal process I have to go through to have my father take you in as his own."

I smile. "You are doing way too much for me, Wes. What have I ever done for you that is making you do all of this for me?"

I feel him shrug as he says, "you let me in."

"Does this mean you'll let me in?" I question

He doesn't reply to my question, he just watches the tv with me.