One Shots

Surprise - A Guide

A/N Woohoo thirty minutes of writing with four hours of sleep! Yay! Thirty minutes of editing and formatting! YAY!! After being up for about 16-17hrs. Yay..?
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It was simple, truly. One batch of surprises were never enough, and will never be enough.

Being awful, selfish people, we accept what happens as a simple fact of life. Even if the nagging thoughts protruding from the little thing called a conscience is testing the ability to keep a straight face for as long as needed. As wanted. As is the rule.

The rule is to be followed at all costs. If the rule is to be broken, all hell would break loose and becoming a martyr won't solve anything. Use the scenarios as guides throughout the entirety of this pathetic thing you call a life. This is not the complete list, please ask the advisor if needed.

If any confusion remains after any part of the rule is broken after the scenarios, please see the advisor for any questions regarding the overall structure of this crumbling society and all of its affects. Her door is open for any one, as long as they come prepared to explain why they don't get it.

Scenario #1 Most affected by this ailment will then proceed to bludgeon themselves lest they halt the operations. If the problems persist, more pressure would then call for a "friend's" help in applying more work towards the cerebrum. If no friends are to be found or are already dead, please see Scenario #3. If not, success is found.

Scenario #2 If operations go smoothly, as per the rule book, and a dose of surprise haunts the car, the rule is for the car to turn until it can no longer move. If said car's passengers were to still have motor functions, Scenario #1 is to be followed. If not, success is found.

Scenario #3 Motor functions, no friends, and a conscience. Most likely on the side of the road, bleeding. If not, see Scenario #4. If there are trees, promptly use belt, or other metal object, and find any electric system. If lead poisoning is the way, proceed to lay metal object atop the open wound. If not, use metal to break apart the electric system and/or use the belt. Once the system is broken, find any wire that still has a charge. Use belt, preferably leather, and dip in oil either In the tank or on the ground and strike the charged wire against the dry leather. If fireball does not occur, see Scenario #6. If not, success is found.

Scenario #4 Motor functions, a conscience. If not, see Scenario #6. If not blunt objects are within reach or there are none at all, proceed to either choke self, or poison self through various methods. A tie, a belt, a shirt, a jacket, pants, rope, or anything that can be tied tightly against the throat. Ink, various plants, copious amounts of alcohol, and more can be used to drown or poison self. The more popular way to poison is through the use of car oil and antifreeze cocktail. Success is found.

Scenario #5 if ALL Rules have been been followed thus far, proceed to shoot self with colt. If not proficient enough, ask official to shoot for you. If they refuse, see Scenario #7. If not, success is found.

Scenario #6 Give up all sense of creativity and bite the bullet. Literally. No like seriously. Shoot yourself. Don't miss. Success if found.

Scenario #7 Walk out of facility with official at gunpoint interrogate them until reaching outdoors. If wrong building, proceed to shoot the now civilian and don't miss. If missed, see Scenario #7b. If not, got to the proper building and ask for help with following the guidelines. If right building, apologize to the official, and climb staircase. Jump off building and do one flip. If flip fails, sacrifice yourself for your cause and be a martyr. If flip is successful, become a martyr. Success is found.

Scenario #7b Make a ruckus and get several police officers to chase you. Refuse to talk. Act insane. Get shot. If not, see Scenario #7c. If so, success is found.

Scenario #7c Go through life in an asylum. Live crazy, write on walls about the mighty KSRL. Overdose, if not, be put down some like rabid animal. If not either, go fuck yourself. Success is not for the common person fuckface, how did you even make it this fair you shitnugget?! You worth-

Scenario #8 In training, no physical ailments nor mental. Just a bad day. Pull the fire alarm, see what happens. Success is found.