Masquerade (Liam Payne)

Chapter 36 ~ Tammy

~read the author's note at the end for future stories~

Chapter 36 ~ Tammy

Even if everything falls apart and you feel like nothing makes sense anymore, life goes on. Life doesn’t wait for you to put the pieces of your soul together. Life doesn’t look back and you have to catch up, even if you have to leave something behind. Sometimes even your own heart.

I’ve learnt that the hard way so I don’t even fight anymore. I don’t complain, I know life it’s not fair. If life were fair, I would’ve had a family that loved me. If life were fair, I would’ve never used Liam. If life were fair, I wouldn’t be the mess I am today. But life is unfair, life is mercilessly and you have to suck it up and go on. If you stay whining behind you’ll only have to run faster to catch up. It’s pointless to cry, you have to move on.

I lost Liam, I made a huge mistake and probably I even lost my heart but I have to go on. I have a job that brings me life. I have people who rely on me in many charities and orphanages, and I have responsibilities. I just can’t stay on my bed, crying over the mistakes I made. I can’t fix the past, I hurt Liam and he will never forget that. He moves on, I’ move on. That’s life. I shed already many tears, there’s no point on doing that anymore.

So I focus on my band, on making music, on making the best video we’ve ever done. I even get Kay to work for us on this video and Janet is so pleased that she is begging Kay to stay with us forever. I swear we’re this close to see Janet on her knees begging Kay to stay. The video is so great that we break records on YouTube. It goes viral and now there’s no country that doesn’t know of us. We’ve even been nominated for the MTV Video Music Awards this year and we’re even going to perform. This is huge in our career and the girls are ecstatic. I just smile and carry on.

Sky looks more alive than what I do, and that’s saying something. I only care about our music and the charities. That’s all I live for. And Ray. Ray is all I have left and I call him every day, making sure he is doing better. He sounds better, at least, happier. He tells me he is making friends at the orphanage and helping other kids. I’m happy for him. If we weren’t as busy as we are, I would’ve gone to visit him by now.

In a few weeks we’ve done so much with the girls, interviews everywhere and our fan base grows every day larger and larger. We’re breaking so many records and we have so much work to do, but I’m grateful for that, it keeps my mind busy.

The only bad thing about this boosted fame is that my parents try to come back again, and I have to pay them even more this time, just to keep them away, so they won’t sell me to the magazines that are desperate trying to find more about us. It’s a great thing I changed my surname when I signed with Janet. She protects me… she won’t let the media know about my past. It will always be a secret.

“Let’s go clubbing, Tammy!” Leanne begs me like she’s been doing for so long. “The VMAs are next week and we’ve been nominated! We’re going to America! C’mon, come with us!”

I wiggle my way out of her embrace and grab my guitar. “I’m not in the mood. Plus, tomorrow I have to get up early,” I tell her in my monotone voice. I don’t even bother to be sarcastic anymore.

People have noticed that I’m not the same. The hosts in TV shows ask me why I’m acting so cold now and where all the bitchy comments went. I just say I don’t care anymore and I make sure to be as rude as I can so they will leave me alone. Leanne and Emma steal all the attention, they are on the spotlight now, happy because they don’t have to compete against me anymore. Sky and I stay behind, just making music. The best music ever.