Intentional Fallacy (Book 5)

Chapter 9

I walked through the front door. Jeff was sitting on the couch obviously waiting for me. He looked casual, his shirt loose and unbuttoned. He wore a pair of khakis. He was very handsome and seeing him sitting there with all of his attention focused on what was happening with me caused most of my fear to evaporate; still there was a hint lingering. I tried to dispel it but it was such a low hum in my overall consciousness that I gave in and accepted it. He stood as I walked into the foyer. He came over to me and took my small overnight bag. He placed it near the wall. He was methodical. That was his way; he created tension or desire in me then capitalized on it by slowing things down, thereby building emotions in me until I couldn't hold back.

"Jeff," I whispered.

He came back to me and put his arms around me. I leaned into his embrace and cried. I was so tired and confused. Certainly if there was a way to come back to my senses, even if just for the rest of that day, I needed to. He held me and smoothed back my hair. He whispered, "Eve. Darling. Shh. It's all right."

It was an ironic truth. He was the only one who could comfort me. I felt complete with him, when he loved me in that way, he was my husband and I loved him. I pulled away and he examined me.

"What are you doing Eve?" He said.

"I don't know."

"What's all this about?"

"I'm remembering things and they won't stop."

He nodded. "I love you more than anything. When you go through these episodes, I go crazy. I'm so afraid of losing you. You aren't leaving me are you, Eve?"

"I don't think so."

He kept his eyes on me and let out a sigh, smiled a weary smile. He wiped a tear from my cheek. The hum of discontent in me picked up. It was something about the way he'd said episodes that sliced through some of the love I was feeling towards him. Still in that moment, I was vulnerable and I wanted to be vulnerable so he would protect me He let his hand move to my neck. He kept it there for a moment. I relaxed under his touch. He reached and moved my hair to the side. I thought he would press his lips against me and it made me feel breathless. Instead he touched my face again, keeping his eyes on me. He touched my lips.

"Kiss me," I said softly.

"Why?"

I looked down and then up again. "Because I love you and I want you."

He leaned forward and kissed me. He had his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. My body was against his, but that feeling of him pulling against him was a drop, a hint of a poison memory. It didn't catch up with me at first and as he kissed my neck I relaxed and turned my head to the side. He moved his hands to my waist and un-tucked my shirt. But the weighted drop of liquid grew heavier. I was going to break again, break from sanity. He didn't know what I was feeling yet and it dawned on me that these episodes were contractions. They came on in the same way, powerful and painful but then they'd subside for a little while. Something was coming, something dark and ugly. I froze. I opened my eyes and things turned black for a moment. When I opened them again Jeff and I were in the past. We were in our first home we lived in as a married couple. He was holding me down and I couldn't get air. His weight had been hurting me and that feeling alone made me desperate for air, to get away from him. I had been trying to hold my skirt down but he had over powered me. I was remembering the night in vivid detail; in the recollection his arm was pressing down so forcefully that the next day I'd noticed bruises.