THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SUICIDE AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
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I sat at the foot of my bed staring at my bedroom door, i knew this room like the back of my hand but now it feels foreign and almost unkind.
A knock at my door ripped me out of my thoughts. "Honey? Are you okay?" I heard my mother ask worridly."Why wouldnt i be okay mum?" I replied even though i knew for a fact everything was not at all okay for me, everything was changing and i was terrified. I hadn't seen my friend in a while and i needed to talk to him , but i couldnt let him in again, no, that was too dangerous. After what happened last time i couldnt even look him in the eye.
"Do you want anything?" My mother asked hopefully. I sighed, letting her know i was irritated "No Mum." I shouted back at her grabbing my bed to pull myself up. "Well, just let me know if you need anything..." My mum said quietly. I glared at the door, almost burning holes in it "Yeah whatever." I muttered looking down at my old carpet. I heard a rustle outside my window that made me jump out of my skin, My legs instinctively spun me around to face the window. My breathing stopped, someone was sat in the tree outside my window.
On further inspection i recognised the figure as my friend Tyler. He knew what happened between Frank and I and was obviously here to check up on me, i opened the window and helped him in. "Hi." He whispered whilst closing the window and sitting beside me against my bed. "Hey." I muttered fiddling with my fingers, i could feel his concern through the look he was giving me, i could hear him thinking of what he should say next. "H-how are you?" He stuttered awkwardly putting his hand on my shoulder. I heard footsteps going to my door, Tyler ran to the window and flung himself back out to the tree, i closed the window.
"Honey i have your perscription." I heard my mother say opening the door and placing a white paper bag on the table nearest to her then leaving. "Thanks." I muttered opening the bag and taking out the brown plastic bottle, it wouldnt take much to end this all. But maybe that wasnt the best way. The bridge at the end of the road seemed ideal, so i pulled on a jacket and flip flops. There was a black sharpie and a piece of paper sat on my desk. But what would i write?
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I looked at the water as i went over what i wrote
"Down in the forest
We'll sing a chorus
One that everybody knows
Hands held higher,
We'll be on fire
Singing songs that nobody wrote."
The dark water beckoned me as i leaned over the edge.
"Quickly moving towards a storm
Moving forward, torn
Into pieces over reasons
Of what these storms are for"
I contemplated going home, talking to someone, or just forgetting about this.
"I don't understand why everything I adore
Takes a different form when I squint my eyes
Have you ever done that?
When you squint your eyes
And your eyelashes make it look a little not right
And then when just enough light
Comes from just the right side
And you find you're not who you're supposed to be?"
I quickly brushed that thought away.
"This is not what you're supposed to see
Please, remember me. I am supposed to be
King of a kingdom or swinging on a swing
Something happened to my imagination
This situation's becoming dire"
I glanced behind me to see no-one.
"My tree house is on fire
And for some reason I smell gas on my hands
This is not what I had planned
This is not what I had planned.
Down in the forest
We'll sing a chorus
Hands held higher,
We'll be on fire
Singing songs that nobody wrote."
My breathing became quick.
"Down in the forest
We'll sing a chorus
One that everybody knows
Hands held higher,
We'll be on fire
Singing songs that nobody wrote."
I calmed myself and checked both ways... still nothing.
"Hands held higher,
We'll be on fire"
I closed my eyes and thought of flying.
"Singing songs that nobody wrote..."
Then i hit the cold water.
"Goodbye..."
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Uhh so welcome to my book i guess?? I will update whenever i can.
-bean out
