Chris Kreider is an onion

Chris Kreider was hanging out with Dominic Moore because Dominic Moore is the coolest. It was late at  night, and foolish Kreider didn't realize that the moon was full tonight. 

"Please," he pleaded, "teach me how to be as cool as you are, Dominic."

Dominic Moore felt pity on Kreider. Dominic knew he was cool. The least he could do was help this guy out.

"Alright, well, the first thing you need to do is get rid of your collection of goalie souls. People see that as creepy, and not cool."

Kreider looked upset. "But...Dominic. I love my collection of goalie souls.." he whined. 

"I'm sorry Kreider. But if you want to be as cool as me, you have to get rid of them. Where is the collection? Let's get it over with right now." 

Hesitantly, Kreider led Dominic to a shelf of small jars. Each of the jars had victim names on them.. Craig Anderson..Tuukka Rask..Marc Andre Fleury... Carey Price... Viktor Fasth...Jaroslav Halak...

Dominic looked afraid. 

"What the heck, Chris. I'm sorry...but this is incurable. I didn't think you kept them in such nice jars. This is not right. You'll never be as cool as me. You have the same initials as Chad Kroeger, for crying out loud! I'm leaving. I'm gonna go play ping pong with Staal. See ya, Kreider." Dominic said harshly, and left him alone with his collection of goalie souls. 

"Please! Don't go!" Kreider begged, but Dominic was gone. 

Kreider was so upset. He ran outside and cried. He looked up at the sky slowly....

Oh crap.

The moon was out. 

His skin turned the color of onions, and it became soft and crisp. He looked at his hand, horrified.

"NO! STOP! I DON'T WANT TO BE IN MY TRUE FORM! DOMINIC MOORE WILL NEVER BE MY FRIEND IF HE FINDS OUT!" he shouted. 

But it was no use. He was going to become an onion no matter what. When he is exposed to the full moon, he turns into an onion and there is nothing that can be done. 

Despite his protests, he turned into a full onion. 

Eventually Kevin Hayes came along looking for Dominic Moore. When he noticed the random onion lying in the grass under the moonlight, he was very confused. He looked down upon the onion. 

Suddenly, the onion began to scream.

"KEVIN! YOU KNOW ME! IT'S ME! KREIDER! PLEASE HELP ME!" the onion screamed. 

Poor Hayes was TERRIFIED. He shrieked and ran. He ran all the way to Derick Brassard and told him what happened.

"I THINK I'M GOING CRAZY!" I WAS LOOKING FOR MOORE AND THEN I CAME ACROSS THIS ABANDONED ONION IN THE GRASS. IT SEEMED TO YELL AT ME. THAT ONION CLAIMED TO BE CHRIS KREIDER."

Brass didn't believe his story. Who would?

If they only knew.....