Drown [Eric Coulter] Divergent

Part X

X

"Sometimes I wanna lose my mind 
Lose myself
Sometimes I wanna
Lose my mind
Lose myself to something
To someone else"

"Dragged Out" -Chelsea Wolfe

Harper never made a fuss about not seeing Eric for a few days, and it actually gave her time to patch things up with Jenner. Always assuming that Eric would approach her if he wanted to see her, Harper made sure that her entire focus was on her training. They had already moved on from knives -which she excelled at thanks to Eric- to guns. The kickback of the larger guns had given her a nasty bruise in her shoulder, but she could feel the strength of her muscles bouncing back, and each day she never had trouble picking up a blade or a firearm. Four days after Jenner had seen her with Eric, she was fretting about it upon her bed, legs crossed and her hands tucked on her lap.

Eliza came up to her, knowing only that Harper had turned down Jenner, not that she had done it because of Eric. Harper was smarter than that, to let it slide even to one person other than Jenner. Eliza flopped down beside Harper. "Just say you're sorry that you don't like him, but you still want to be friends."

"When does that ever work?"

"What? Honesty?"

Harper rolled her eyes. "You know that's not what I meant. It's hard for the rest of us to tell the truth, I wasn't raised to always tell the truth."

"Just because I'm from the only honest faction, doesn't mean that honesty comes easily." She brushed her braids behind her ear; she kept her hair braided on one side, right down to her scalp, and the rest loose unless she was training. She would pull her long brown hair up into a messy bun when she trained. She was truly a beautiful person, Harper could tell she was inside as well. "Maybe I'm biased, but I'd rather have the utmost truth put out there, and decide from there."

Harper pondered on her words and wondered if this could apply to Eric as well. Though he had his secrets, dark and disturbing as they were, Harper had her own secrets that she would keep from him. When they kissed three evenings ago, Harper knew that she was starting down a path that could only have a nasty end, but she wanted it. She wanted the danger that it came with, the association, the excitement. 

That was something she had wanted her entire life, excitement. She would never have gotten it in any other faction, and so she began to feel more and more comfortable in Dauntless and not because she had to choose it. She fit in, she belonged. And as a woman, Harper just wanted to be able to feel that closeness with someone. The way Eric made her breath hitch and her heart beat too fast for her body, the way her blood would rush to her cheeks and colour them red. It all just felt too good to deny herself of, at least now. Maybe it would wear off shortly.

"You're right." Harper smiled. "I guess being brave comes in many forms."

"Sure does, it's funny how we are all separated into factions, and yet... Why not have all the traits of all the factions?" she mused, a deep look in her eyes, signaling that she was far away. "Why do we segregate people?"

Harper had never thought of that before. "Maximum efficiency?"

"Hardly seems that way," she breathed out coolly. "Well, go on!"

Harper stood up quickly, grabbing her jacket and draping it over her strong forearm, and left the living quarters where the initiates were still living. Only a few more weeks and she would be out of there, living somewhere better, hopefully. She could just as easily end up factionless or dead if anyone found out about her plan, a plan that seemed to be going increasingly sideways day after day. Shaking the thoughts from her head, reminding herself that if she was going to try and be a normal teenager, a normal initiate, she would have to stop thinking about every last detail, even if she knew her father would have shaken his head and scolded her for such things.