Snape clutched his Transfiguration book to his chest as he stepped out of class. The final year of his schooling was coming to a close. NEWTS were still on the horizon (as were many sleepless nights) but an air of nervousness filled the building.
"How about that?" said Avery merrily, licking his lips and grinning cruelly in the direction of Lily Evens. "Mudblood didn't know the answer…"
Snape's fingers curled tightly against the book as he sucked in a deep breath. He could no longer stand that word, a word he used to use very often, and hearing it in reference to Lily made his blood boil.
Mulciber laughed good-naturedly. "You'd think with Super Stud Head Boy by her side she'd know the answer."
"Really," continued Avery. "I mean, has she ever not…"
"We are about to complete our schooling and some Muggleborn is all you two can talk about?" interjected Snape nastily. He glared at both Avery and Mulciber, who were both unfazed.
Mulciber snorted. "We all know you love the Mudblood, Snape. Don't bother hiding it."
Snape stopped abruptly. Avery stumbled and Mulciber grinned dully. "How dare you!" hissed Snape. "I, someone who is about to enter the service of the Dark Lord?"
Shrugging, Mulciber wrapped a thick arm around Avery's frail shoulders. "Seems that way."
"You're wrong," said Snape shortly.
Avery looked fearfully at Mulciber, who said, "Can we continue now to the Common Room?"
Snape stared past them, reflecting for a moment. He did not want to spend time with these people – people he honestly considered his friends. They, they … he did not know. Snape just knew that something was blocking them, Lily. It was her. It was always her. Snape shifted the thick book to one hand and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.
"I think," he began quietly. "I think … I'll go outside for a bit, if you don't mind?"
Avery smiled. "Sure." He moved away from Mulciber and held out his hands in a gesture clearly meant to be placating. "We mean no harm, you know…"
But Snape was already off, heading down a different staircase and for the outside. He needed air, Snape had decided.
Potter and Friends usually spent time outside, but since he had began dating Lily – something Snape only allowed himself to brood about when lying in bed at night – Potter had toned himself down. The Head Boy did not usually rein in Black, but the combined efforts of Lupin and Lily usually kept him in check.
If only Lily was still friends with him – and not dating Potter – Snape would have been able to say that things have gotten better for him.
But things hadn't.
Lily had moved on; and she was the only person he could ever say he loved. It hurt, very deeply, to recall that day of pain and humiliation. On the same breath, it made him happy too, in a way quite masochistic, to see her happy. That was important, Snape knew. Lily's happiness.
On the plus side, Snape had gotten friendlier with Lucius Malfoy and was going to be joining the Death Eaters sometime in the summer after school had finished. He looked forward to joining a cause he truly believed in and hoped at the same time that Lily would be impressed with him and the lengths he was going to purify and protect the world.
Snape pushed open a pair of heavy wooden doors and stepped out into the blinding sunshine.
The sky was very clear; the sun large and shining without abandon. A light breeze blew and many a student had made a home for themselves outside. Looking around hastily, Snape noticed with satisfaction that Potter and Friends were not outside.
