"Why do I have to do this again?" Harry asked nervously as L forced him into a chair at the desk.
"Because you promised to discuss this with me and then insisted you had a hard time 'recalling it all off the top of your head'," L said snidely as he handed Harry a pen. "So, you shall do your best to write down everything you can remember and then we will discuss each listed event in detail."
Harry frowned and glared morosely at the sheet of paper placed before him. "So, any time someone tried to kill me counts?"
"Yes," L said as he walked back around the desk to peruse the plate of cupcakes Wammy had left for them. "Try to arrange the list with both the perpetrator, as well as whatever they used to harm you."
Harry sighed. "Fine," he grumbled. "But this is bloody stupid."
"Perhaps you should think about the possible consequences of your mindless comments on near-death experiences before making them then," L muttered darkly as he took a bright pink cupcake over to the couch with him.
Harry gave him a glare, even though the man had his back to him, and turned once more to the empty page. So. What was the first attempt on his life? Harry bent over to write out a name and method.
Voldemort- killing curse
There. That wasn't so hard. Hmmm. Harry thought about the next attempt on his life. Did anything the Dursley's had done count? He glanced up at L munching his cupcake messily as he crouched on the sofa cushions. Actually, it might be better to avoid anything to do with them, lest he give L yet another aspect of his life to go nosing around in. Harry glanced away quickly when L looked up and bent over the paper.
Quirell- troll
Quirell- cursed my broom
Quirell- strangling
"Do dogs count?" L looked up from a blue sprinkled cupcake at Harry's sudden question.
"So you've finished all the human attempts on your life then?"
"...Er, no... but I was just wondering if it counts if an animal tries to eat you." Harry shrugged. "It's okay if it doesn't. It would make the list shorter anyway."
L tilted his head to the side. "Why not list the person who owns the dog then?"
"Oh, Hagrid would never have allowed Fluffy to hurt me if he'd known I was anywhere near the bloody monster."
"Fluffy?"
"Hagrid had an... odd naming sense with dangerous creatures."
"Did... Fluffy... really try to eat you?"
"Yes, along with four other students, and before you ask, we were technically trespassing in an area the headmaster had already warned us would result in a violent and bloody death."
"...May I ask a different question?"
Harry looked at him suspiciously. "Is it anything to do with why Fluffy was in the school?"
"Yes."
"Are you going to drop this stupid list thing?"
"No."
"Then no, you can't. Do animals count?"
"...Yes."
Harry dutifully wrote out the cerberus' name, making a mental note to remember the dragon from the tournament. Who cared if he'd outflown it? The thing had tried to both eat him and set him on fire.
Fluffy- tried to eat me
Dobby
Almost immediately after writing his elf friend's name, Harry regretted it and crossed it out. Dobby may not have been a good planner, but he'd had the best intentions; and he'd really only been trying to maim Harry in order to save his life... Which sounded much nicer when Dobby was talking about trying to maim Bellatrix.
