Too much. (Devin Booker)

the hardest goodbye. (part 1)

"It's been a fucking week." I slightly yelled at KAT (Karl Anthony Towns) while pacing back and forth.

KAT had been in town for a week and was trying to cheer me up on any occasion possible, but to no avail. Despite us being extremely close, like brotherly close, I felt oddly detached. Not just from him, but everyone.

My Grandparents would try and contact me and I would blow them off, my teammates attempted to stop by and I would pretend I wasn't home, I'm surprised I even allowed KAT in. 

It's all been this one big scary cycle; visit the hospital, ask how quick my mom can come home, go home and cry. 

"Devin, look man -" KAT started to say, "I get it, its hard without parents, but they're always gonna be in here." He said, placing his finger on my chest. "No one can take those memories, the past can't be erased." 

I let the salted tears pour from my eyes and then tried hurriedly to blink them away.

"Damn, I must sound like a Hallmark card." He continued, trying to make a light joke and throwing his head back laughing like a little kid.

I smiled, but it didn't quite meet my eyes.

"Look, how about we go downtown and play one on one. You know, like we used to do at the UK?" 

"You wanna talk about the college days, huh? How about when I dunked on you?" I said smirking, as KAT stared me down.

"Bet you can't do it again." He challenged.

"Let's see about that." 

-

I didn't realize how long KAT and I had been playing until I looked at the clock on my car's dash. 

1:38 AM

The court just felt so right, it was like all my problems vanished when I was playing. Just the ball and me. Like I was some magic fairy frolicking through a meadow or something, but not that weird.

Lost in thought of basketball, my phone rang.

"Mr. Booker?" A voice echoed.

"Yes sir, this is him."

"I need you to get down to the hospital immediately."

My first thought tried to be optimistic, I mean I really tried.

Maybe something had gone right and my mom was breathing without ventilator's. Maybe she could finally go home with me. Maybe she underwent a surgery that was successful and she just now woke up.

But maybe I was wrong about everything.

-

I don't know how long it took me to get to the hospital, or how I managed to make it to my mom's floor as fast as I did. Everything was like one big blur.

The Doctor giving me the look, nurses pushing me back as I tried to ransack my moms room. A frenzy and chaotic time, it was almost like everything was unraveling in slow motion.

I knew that this time would eventually come, I mean I hoped it wouldn't, but I did prepare. Although I probably should have prepared my temper more.

I was shot with something, a drug. I don't know how or where I was inflicted, but suddenly everything faded to black.

-

I woke up in a hospital bed, faced with a scrawny male nurse. 

"Why am I here?" 

"You were getting out of hand and scaring other people in the lobby." He stated gently, unsure of how I would react.

"Oh." I muffed out. "Well I apologize."

He started to make his way out of the room until I stopped him.

"Sir, can I see my mother? To say goodbye at least?" I pleaded while looking down at my twiddling thumbs.

He motioned for me to follow him and I did as instructed.

-

"Hey mom." I whispered out to her. 

I pulled up a faded green chair and held her hand for the last time.

"I don't-" I started, but then quietly put my head down and let the tears drop. 

"I love you mom. If you can somehow still hear me, I love you. I know that these past couple of days must've been hard for you mom, you know? All these unfamiliar people touching you and drugging you up. All these tests and prodding. But you're, you're a fighter. And a damn good one at that."

"I remember my first basketball game in high school. Actually, how could I forget? I was a hot mess to say the least. The girl of my dreams dumped me because I couldn't dunk. Which looking back now, it was a silly reason." I stifled a laugh "But you were there for me, you picked up my hand and told me that it would be alright. You said you loved me for me, despite whether I could dunk or do a 360 layup or score a 100 points in a game. Then you kissed me on my forehead, and to this day I regret how I pushed you away from me because I felt embarrassed."

Poor little Devin ran to his mom.

"And to this day that chant rings in my head like a song on the Billboard top 100."

-

"I remember my 17th birthday: I got my first car."

"I wanted to go fast, to feel the wind, to be free. But fuck mom, I missed our driveway and crashed into our ditch. I'll never forget that day either, its one of few that's etched in my mind. You watched me as the car fell and I honestly don't know who cried more, you or me?"

"I think you won that battle though, I only cried because I crashed my car and it cost loads to repair, but you cried for my safety. You cried because you were worried that I was terribly injured, or even worse, dead. When you found out I was okay you ran to me and hugged me so tight I could barely breathe. And to think that I was gasping for air instead of inhaling your love."

"I didn't think that I would ever know how that feels. To almost be ripped away from the one person you loved, but I get it now."

-

I tried to contain my sobs, but they eventually grew louder. Its like my volume increased every time I thought about a time I poorly mistreated my mom. All the times I caught a temper with her or lashed out or spoke in an obnoxious tone; degrading her with just my words.

At this point I spotted a nurse approaching my mother's room. I know she would say that I had to leave, but I honestly wanted to stay forever.

I gently kissed my mom goodbye and then whispered:

I love you, see you later mom.

A/N;

"Appreciate your parents.

You never know what sacrifices they went through for you."

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter x