DEAR JIMIN.

0.4

The two boys sat in silence. Yoongi didn't know what to say; his mind had been void of any thoughts or emotions since the very moment Seokjin had arrived. Seokjin had always been a motherly sort of figure in Yoongi's life, always taking it upon himself to comfort Yoongi and act as a personal sort of therapist for him in his times of need, but it was hard to cut off the root of Yoongi's suffering when he refused to speak. There wasn't anything to say. Jimin and Hyerin were getting married, and Yoongi couldn't seem to handle it; that was the end of the discussion, though it wasn't as if Yoongi was willing to offer anything to the conversation at all. Seokjin couldn't tell if Yoongi was simply lost in his thoughts, but he looked blank, like a fresh sheet of paper or an empty canvas, and it was scary to see a person so deprived of any feelings.

"You know..." Seokjin's voice was tender. Yoongi's current state seemed very volatile; Seokjin wasn't sure if Yoongi was going to continue to be barren of any signs of life, or if he was going to explode with emotion right there and then. Either way, he had to be careful. The last thing he needed was to provoke a reaction that wouldn't help with Yoongi's state of mind at all. "It's okay to cry."

The chuckle that escaped Yoongi's lips was bitter, and though it wasn't a very positive sort of laugh, it was the first noise that Yoongi had made since Seokjin arrived, and the latter was glad that he was making even the slightest effort at expressing himself. "It's been years." It didn't feel like years. "I should be over it by now. I should have moved on, but I feel worse than when they first started dating. I'm hopeless."

"I'm just saying, Jimin's relationships normally last around a week maximum. Naturally, you're going to be more upset after they announced the lifelong commitment of engagement than when they announced a relationship that didn't have a very high probability of lasting, but I'll have you know that fifty percent of marriages end in divorce."

"You're not the one who lives with them. You're not the one who wasted the last few years of their life watching them express their affections for each other twenty-four hours a day, three hundred sixty-five days a year, for several years." Yoongi groaned. Seokjin looked like he was about to make a snarky comment to challenge Yoongi, but he knew he should let the boy express himself while he was still willing to. "I'll have you know that fifty percent of marriages don't end in divorce."

"...Your statistics are inaccurate."

"So are yours."

"I'm trying to make you feel better."

"Evidently, it isn't working."

"You need to get out of there." Seokjin encouraged, but he made it sound a lot easier than it was. Yoongi wasn't very good at coping with change. He couldn't just pack his bags and leave, not when he was so hopelessly infatuated with Jimin. "You know, go out. Meet someone new. Spend time with your friends. I guarantee you that sitting cooped up in your room for two months, left to wallow on your own regrets and self pity, isn't going to help you get over Jimin-"

"Do you have to say his name?"

"He's not Voldemort. I'm not scared of his name."

"Of course he's not Voldemort, he has a nose, but do you have to say his name?"

"What do you want me to call him? He-who-shall-not-be-named? You-know-who?"

"Better."

"As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me," Seokjin paused again to glare at Yoongi, "you have to get there. Find someone to get your mind off of he-who-shall-not-be-named."

"Isn't that how you met Namjoon? A one-night stand?" Yoongi scoffed, rolling his eyes. "And I don't know about you, but I'd absolutely hate it if I was being used as a rebound to get over someone."

Seokjin crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Okay, first things first, Namjoon wasn't just a one-night stand, if you couldn't tell by the fact that we're dating. Secondly, I'm not saying that you should use somebody as a rebound, I'm just suggesting that you find it within yourself to get over Ji-" Yoongi flinched. "I mean, he-who-shall-not-be-named."

Yoongi was quiet for a moment. His voice almost quivered when he spoke again, and it broke Seokjin's heart. "But what if I don't want to let go?"

Seokjin pressed his lips together sympathetically, resting a comforting hand over Yoongi's. He knew Yoongi was in love, and he could understand why he didn't want to let go, but for the sake of his own personal happiness, he had to move on. "You have to." Leaving on that note, Seokjin stood up abruptly and left the room, presumably to cook and force-feed Yoongi, as he hadn't been particularly focused on keeping his health in check after he heard the engagement news. Seokjin could understand that hunger wasn't Yoongi's top priority after a heartbreak, but that didn't give him an excuse to ruin his body by skipping meals.

With a quiet sigh, Yoongi focused his gaze on the notebook under the bed. From his spot, sat criss-cross on the hardwood floor, the light from the hallway shone on the cover and allowed the dips and curves of the material to glow. It had become a habit to resort to the emotions inked onto those pages when he couldn't keep in touch with his own, but he had been doing it far more often that he was comfortable with. He was sure that Seokjin's suspicions would begin to rise soon, just as Hyerin's had, and Seokjin was far more less likely to let it go when he was aware of Yoongi's state. He wasn't exactly sure why he depended on the outdated diary entries to bring him peace. Perhaps it brought him peace, knowing that the messy, faded words on the yellowed pages still held true to date. Perhaps it gave him hope that he still had a chance with Jimin- no, scratch that. He knew he didn't have a chance with Jimin, yet he continued to get his hopes up, and pretended to be surprised when he was let down again.

He scanned over the pages until he had found where he had left off, and he didn't know why he continued reading, but he did.

October 27th, 2013

Dear Jimin,

I wish you knew how I felt.