Harry Potter Funnies

A day in the life of Voldemort

A day in the life of Voldemort:

Hello my minions! It is I! The DORK LORD!...WORMTAIL WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT GETTING NEAR MY KEYBOARD! AVADA KEDAVRA...Damn missed! Anyway like I was saying it is I Lord Voldemort and I am going to introduce my timetable to you all! Enjoy!

7:00am - 7:15am Goooooood morning Voldemort!

Wake up, wake Nagini up (Wake up my love!) And get changed into my hand made robes! (Made by Snape the style queen don't you know?!)

7:15am - 7:30am Exercises!

To keep myself fit I get my most trusted death eaters (Snape, Bellatrix and Lucius...) To round up any death eaters I hate and a few muggles they've captured or some other people I hate. Then get my magic wand and practice my favourite spells! (AVADA KEDAVRA! CRUCIO!)

7:30am - 7:45am Contact shopping!

I grab my handbag (which has pepper spray just in case I meet any weirdos) then head out to buy some contacts! (For some reason my red pupils creep out some people...)

7:45am - 8:45am Recruiting

I stand outside a popular place in the wizarding world and hold up a sign saying 'free hugs' when someone comes and gives me a hug (after me constantly crying and rolling on the floor, shoving Bella away in the process because she thinks she can make it better) I hug them then grab my wand and give them the dark mark (recruiting done!)

8:45am - 9:00am Dr Feel better

I go see Lucius about all my troubles because he's the agony aunt, he makes me fell better and gives me happy pills and a sticker saying: Lucius Malfoy made me feel better today

9:00am - 9:45am Beauty spa!

I skip to the beauty salon and get my nails done and my head massaged by Dr TheHalfBloodPrince, (my head feels so much softer!)

9:45am - 10:25am YOUTUBE!

I get my laptop out (covered in Slytherin stickers and pictures of mummy and Harry) and search youtube then find some videos of me killing Harry! THEY'RE AWESOME! (Only there are very few of them...)

10:25am - 11:00am Call me!

I get my mobile phone out and start calling some old friends from school! I mean we haven't seen each other in ages!: Hey Professor Slughorn! How are you doing? Want to come be a death eater! I know we were BFF'S at school!

11:00am - 12:30pm Dumbledore grr...

Find Dumbledore, duel him...WAAAAA I FAILED AGAIN!

12:30pm - 13:00pm Feed me!

Lunch time! I strut into the hogs head (it clears) then I get some food! I always get it free! I eat my food then because I get a bit peckish I have Lucius hand feed me grapes

13:00pm - 13:30pm What team are you?

I have my death eater meeting, discuss what team is the best (Team Voldemort, Team Nagini, Team Snape, Team Edward, Team Jacob, Team Harry Potter): Say what!? Y-Your serious? YOU'RE TEAM EDWARD LUCIUS?! AVADA KEDAVRA!

13:30pm - 14:00pm Nagini!

I tell Nagini how much I love her, then I tell her if she dare die and lose that piece of my soul I shall make her dead body sit on the naughty step!

14:00pm - 20:00pm Revenge is a dish best servered Avadered!

So I sit at my desk, put my thinking glasses on and decide which is the best way to kill Harry Potter (it does take a while...)

20:00pm and until the next day NIGHT NIGHT! SLEEP TIGHT! DON'T LET THE WORMTAIL'S BITE!

Yes it is indeed my bed time! NOW SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE! I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP!

Hugs and butterfly kisses

Lord Voldymouldy xxx