A Future for Sparkhouse

Chapter 9

Sitting next to John, holding his hand and looking into his deep blue eyes Carol felt nervous and shy.
"John, I panicked when Lisa talked about a baby. You know everything now about me. You know about me dad and Lisa. I panicked at the thought of things being how they were then... that maybe you'd force me like he did, and that you'd be mad at me if I did get pregnant."
"I'm not him, Carol" John whispered. "I'd never force you to do anything. I never forced you to have sex with me, did I?" He had kept true to his word and not touched Carol since her revelation about her dad. Carol shook her head. "I love you Carol. I want to be your husband properly and I want us to have children. Is that so wrong?" He was almost pleading with her now.
"John I am so scared. But I. .." Carol hesitated. Could she admit her growing feelings towards him and that she had felt jealous when she imagined him with someone else? Could she admit that she too wanted that ordinary marriage and ordinary family. Those things which came so easily to other people.
"We don't have to rush, Carol love. We can take our time. Try and build things up together. See how you feel as time goes on." John, for all his own hang ups and social awkwardness was a kind and patient man, and Carol knew it.
"I'd like that, John. I'd like to see what happens. But that means things have to change. You promised not to touch me again until I wanted you to, didn't you?" John nodded, his hopes starting to rise that perhaps things could change. "Well I do want you to touch me. You're a good man John. And you're bloody good looking too you know?"
John laughed out loud at this idea. Him? Good looking? He'd always been the gawky one in untrendy clothes. "I mean it," Carol continued, feeling an unusual boldness. "That day we got your suit and you had your hair cut and everything, I wasn't the only woman taking notice of you, you know? And besides, with all that hard work on t'farm you're as fit as anything!"
John laughed in embarrassment. "You're just teasing me!" he declared, but inside he felt a flutter of excitement. Carol had never said anything so complimentary to him. Could she really mean what she was saying?
"I'm not teasing you, John. It's true." Nervously the two mixed up, confused people looked at each other. They both knew they were on the brink of a big step, and they both knew they wanted to take that step. John reached out and put his hand on Carol's cheek.
"You know I'd do anything for you, don't you?" he asked her tentatively. She nodded. Feeling her courage grow she leant forward and kissed him on the lips. It was just a quick, chaste peck but it was a beginning, and John knew it had come from Carol's heart. Maybe he was on the right track to winning her love after all. He leant his head towards her, hesitantly, afraid of breaking the fragile warmth between them. As he slowly moved to kiss her Carol suddenly reached out her hands and put them on the sides of his head. Although she had never slept with Andrew they had done a lot of kissing and it dawned on her that she was comfortable with that first step. "What are ye waiting for, John?" and she pressed her lips against his. For a second John couldn't breathe but then his heart soared and he realised what she was doing. She was actually snogging him, he thought to himself. Snogging? Does anyone still use that word? he began to wonder before the kissing became more passionate and all lucid thoughts left his head. He kissed her back and she felt his arms go round her back, pulling her closer to him. She put her arms around his neck and shuffled up against him. The kissing went on with both of them pressed close, feeling the heat and nearness.
After a few moments it was John who broke free. "Carol, that was amazing," he murmured breathlessly. "But I'm not sure how long I can control myself if we carry on like that."
Carol stared at him, feeling her heart beat rapidly and her cheeks burn. "It was amazing," she responded quietly. Suddenly she felt shy. She was beginning to feel things for John she had never expected to. She had always known he was a good man and so dependable, who previously she'd found dull and boring. More and more she was learning to appreciate the value of such a man compared to the immature and egotistical nature of Andrew. Then on the day of his makeover she had seen him in a new light and began to appreciate how good looking he was once his old curly mop had gone and she still remembered how light and lovely he had looked as he smiled at her that day. Once they were married she had got glimpses of his body as they had shared a bedroom and a bed but when they had sex she had always turned the light out in shame. Now, sitting close to him, having experienced the heat of kissing him, Carol felt long - repressed desire well up deep inside her. "What if I don't want you to control yourself any more?" she asked in a small voice.
John gasped. "Don't! Don't say that if you don't mean it Carol, please." He hardly dared believe what she had said. Carol put her hand on his arm. "I'm scared. I don't know what to do," she said. "But I do know that you're the best man I've met and I'm not letting go. If you help me John we can make it work."
John's heart rose. "Carol that's all I've ever wanted to hear." He hugged her close, relief and excitement running through his body.
Carol pulled back and looked at her watch. "You know we've got two hours before you told Lisa you'd be picking her up?" John nodded, not getting the point of what she was saying and looking blank. "So... we have the place to ourselves until then!" Carol spelled it out and watched John's face as the penny dropped.
"You mean now? " he asked, almost choking on the words. "We can start now?"
Carol nodded and moved in to kiss him again. Despite their weeks of married life and their fumbles in the dark suddenly it felt like the first time for both of them. Gingerly they reached out to each other and slowly removed each other's clothing. As they tumbled naked into the bed together, both filled with hope and anticipation, John and Carol knew that at last they had found a good thing. There were no guarantees of a smooth ride but at last they both knew that they could make the journey together.