My Therian Guide

Justin

So I know I have not been active at all lately and I apologize so this is to catch y'all up. My horse got severely injured in July and is slowly recovering, I've been his only trainer and rider for almost two year so this was really hard for me. It was touch and go for the first 5 months, we had to constantly drive back and to an emergency vet hospital 4 hours away almost every weekend. Then in the middle of all that, a horse I had saved from a very bad place was put down. 8/3/15 Justin was put down, he was 20 years old and only 1 of them he was truly happy. He was my best friend and my rock so that hit really hard. Nobody told me it happened, I was in Canada at the time, 220 miles away. I found out when I checked Facebook, that... Gosh that sucked, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I could barely function so I just drove. I drove over 50 miles north until my tank was almost empty, then I filled it up and went back to the hotel. (Don't do this ---->) A group of my friends built a bonfire and I got drunk and high to forget. And then started the pattern, when it would hurt too much I would party, have sex, drink too much or get so stoned I could only lay there. Slowly it stopped, weighing so much, I still thought about it all the time but I knew it wasn't my fault so I weaned off the drugs and alcohol. And then more shit went down, February 1st I was completely grounded (Sadly I am still a minor) I can't drive, go out, or even go see the horses. So I spiraled into a bout of depression and tried to kill myself again and the really sad thing is my mom didn't even notice.

That's all for now, since this journal thing is to help y'all if you have any questions or ever need to talk just pm me :)

Blessed be,

Nyk

3/29/16, one year since I saw Justin alive

Just Infallible <3

4/1/95~8/3/15