I Love You But I Can't Breathe

Chapter Eleven

author: It has been infinitely too long since I've written anything and I missed it so much. I've been travelling non-stop for weeks but I promise this story is still happening. Thanks for being patient <3 (pic by yourssincerelylarry on tumblr)

"Babe, babe, hey... I've got you," Louis said, as Harry burst through the door, dropping his bags immediately and latching onto his boyfriend.

It had been days since Louis had seen Harry. As soon as Harry told Anne about the bad news from the family doctor, she'd been quick to set up an appointment with the larger hospital in London, and had insisted on travelling with her son. Louis knew Anne and Harry were extremely close, since Harry was essentially an only child, and Anne hadn't had a serious relationship in years, leaving her to care for Harry on her own. It had pretty much always been the two of them- Harry didn't even know who his father was. 

Still, Louis had a protective instinct over Harry and it was hard knowing Anne had the same one. Every time she felt the need to protect Harry from something difficult, Louis felt it too. He wanted to be the one to take Harry to the specialist, knew he could do a good job keeping him comforted. It was weird to feel competition with your almost-mother-in-law, but Anne was Harry's only family and Louis wanted her to trust him to take care of her son, but it never felt like she did. 

He buried his nose in the younger boy's curls, breathing in the sweet green apple shampoo scent that reminded him of long showers with Harry and spooning on the couch. 

"Was it... was it okay?" Louis asked hesitantly. He wasn't sure what to ask. Was it bad news? Is it cancer? Is it all just a false alarm? 

"They said they need time to process the results," Harry mumbled into Louis' shoulder. "They're gonna call me." 

Louis let out a shaky breath. "Okay. No news is good news, yeah?" 

"Yeah?" Harry said softly, his words coming out as more of a question than a statement. 

"You want to come with me for a shower, kitten?" Louis asked, kissing Harry's forehead softly. Harry was slumped down awkwardly to tuck himself up against Louis- the poor thing always wanted to feel small and cuddly, but his height worked against him. "Just leave your bags, I'll get them later," Louis promised, already heading up the stairs, eager for any physical contact with his boy (platonic or not, he just needed to feel close to Harry). 

He looked back and saw Harry with his hands on his knees, paused halfway up the stairs, eyebrows drawn together. 

"Are you okay?" Louis asked, heart beat already slamming with worry.

"My legs are just achy from the long train ride," Harry smiled reassuringly. "Can we bath instead?" 

"Of course," Louis smiled, relief washing over him when he realized Harry was alright. He waited patiently for the younger boy to slowly progress up the stairs, grumbling about how achy his legs felt. 

Once Harry finally made it to the upstairs bathroom, Louis brought out his basket of bath bombs. Harry's green eyes lit up as he sorted through them trying to find his favourite. 

Louis didn't like bath bombs at first- he hated how long it took to wash the glitter and strawberry seeds out of the tub, and his skin felt weird and oily afterward. But seeing Harry giggle and splash around the pink glittery tub had Louis hauling his ass over to Lush in record time to spend a painful amount of his paycheck on more bath fizzes for his boy. 

Louis stripped out of his plaid shirt and skinny jeans as Harry dropped a blue bath-fizz into the tub, smiling as it hissed and swirled around, turning the water a clear Caribbean blue in its wake. 

The older boy got in the tub first, and held Harry's arm as he took a wobbly step into the bath. 

The moan Harry let out when his legs touched the water was almost pornographic. 

Louis chuckled, tucking Harry back up against his chest. "Your legs were that sore, huh, babe?" He went to start massaging them, but stopped his movements when he caught sight of Harry's rash. He kept forgetting that it was there- it was impossible for him to tell if it was spreading or not, but he thought it might be best to leave it alone. The poor boy had more than enough to worry about already. 

Harry nodded, resting back against his boyfriend. "I didn't want you to freak out, but yeah, they're killing. Took me six hours to get from London to Northern England, should've just flown into Manchester first then took a train from there," Harry sighed. "I have been sitting down way too much and my legs are too long for those train seats." 

Harry stretched out his legs and splashed them around a bit in the water. It may have seemed a bit mundane to someone else, but Louis loved hearing about Harry's day. Even if it wasn't particularly interesting, just hearing him talk about train schedules was enough. Something about the little routines with Harry just soothed Louis. 

Sometimes it was just so easy to get ahead of himself in these moments, daydreaming about what it would be like to have a proper house with Harry, what it would be like to be older and maybe have a child. Louis knew they still had plenty of time, but every time he saw babies, he felt his heart swell up a little. 

"I know you probably don't want to talk about your appointment, but-"

"You're right, I don't want to talk about it," Harry said simply, swirling his legs around a little in the water. 

Louis sighed. 

"I spent six hours breathing into different machines, Lou, and doing tests and samples," Harry said, his voice trembling a bit. "Don't tell me that's normal." 

"They didn't tell you anything?" Louis prompted. 

Harry shook his head, his damp curls tickling Louis' bare chest. 

"Okay," Louis sighed, "Okay, it's okay. Subject change... Liam's thinking of getting a tattoo." 

Harry giggled, "You're kidding. His mum's gonna kill him. What does he even want?" 

Louis ran his fingers through his boyfriend's hair gently. "Said he wants something to commemorate our friendship- all of us, that is." 

"Aww," Harry said. "That's sweet." 

"Would you ever get one?" Louis asked. 

"I mean, you'd have to come with me, but yeah, I've been thinking about it a bit," Harry shrugged. 

"Go with you?" Louis asked. "Like to get matching ones?" 

"Um, I meant come with me so you could, like, hold my hand and stuff," Harry said slowly. "Did you... would you seriously get a matching tattoo with me?" 

"I... well, I um, yeah," Louis admitted, cheeks turning red. "Would that be coming on too strong?" he joked awkwardly. 

Harry turned around to press his lips against Louis'. "I want us to be permanent," Harry breathed, nibbling around Louis' neck. 

"Mhmm," Louis nodded distractedly as Harry started pressing himself closer to Louis. 

By the time they got out of the tub, the water was cold and they were less clean than when they started. 

So there were good days too.