Healing Battle Wounds

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER ONE

Hair is thrown in a pony tail, jeans, converse, comfy tank, and mascara, that's about it. I kinda stopped caring about my looks around the end of sixth grade.

Stomping down the stairs, i walk to the kitchen where my mom waits to take me to school. I scooped up an apple from the center piece on our dining table and crunched my teeth into its core.

" That's what your wearing?"my mother questioned.

" Yes, i wear stuff like this all the time, we've been over this before ,Mom'', I replied.

" I know but maybe you wouldn't be picked on if you dressed nicer'' she exclaimed.

i gave her a look that meant '' I cant believe you are blaming me for this''. I rolled my eyes at her and asked " Can we leave now, wouldn't want to be late again".

She turned to me and said, " I'll meet you outside by the car, i need to get my keys". i take another couple bites into my apple before walking to the door. she walks out of the kitchen as i head for the front door.

I turn the knob and leave the door open behind me, as i walk to the car down our drive way. I lean against our black suburban getting impatient as i wait for my mom. I see her stumble out the door tripping over nothing. She unlocks the car doors as she walk to the drivers side of the the car. * * * *

Just sitting in the car brings awkwardness, as my mom tries to think of an ice breaker.

I turn to the door and lean against the window, avoiding conversation. My eyes wondering off and examining every object we drive by. Blinking softly. My eyes were numb from the tears i cried the day before. And my sleep insomnia made me look even more tired and miserable.

We slowly approach the school, K Hughes Jr. High, or as i call it '' Hell on earth''.

I groan and unlock the passenger door. As i push it open me and my mom trade ''I love you's'' and say our every day goodbyes.

Looking at the other people leaving their vehicles, i noticed the smiles on their face and begin to miss the days when I had a real smile on my face, and not just a fake one when I pass by the counselors. I walk closer and closer to the school doors as my anxiety grows worse.

I take a deep breath as I push the doors and throw them open after hearing the click.

I had five minutes till the bell rang. I look up and see all the groups doing their usual.

The perfects, the jocks, the jerks. the emos, the crafty people and the game nerds. And then there is me, I prefer to sit alone. Ive grown to become my own best friend, other then my cat, Marney who is a great listener when I am in pain.

I throw my bag down along with my paper lunch bag and just await for the bell to release me to a hallway full of judgement.

The bell had rung leaving a ringing in my ear. We all scatter to our classes and stumble over each other. Someone bumps into my right shoulder and knocks my lunch bag across the floor, food rolls across the herding hallway and is stepped on several times by a bunch of obnoxious teens. I just let them. I act like its not mine and walk around it.

Four class periods later the bell for lunch goes off and the hallways are a stampede of anxious teens, with empty stomaches. my usual routine begins as I walk the opposite way of the cafeteria and to the bathroom.

Once there, I open a empty stall and sit on the toilet seat. I rest my eyes as my head fills itself with all my flaws, and ways to fix them.

Maybe i would be better off with no lunch, maybe i should wear more make up, maybe i should dress nicer and maybe i should spend time on my hair.

Ive had these thoughts before but i never considered them as much as i do right now.

But people would notice that im trying to fix my imperfections and judge me even more.

It's thoughts like these that make me want to stop trying, but im too strong to give up.