Dysfunctional

II

Song | Afraid
The Neighbourhood
Being me can only mean
Feeling scared to breathe/
If you leave me then I'll be afraid of everything
That makes me anxious, gives me patience, calms me down, lets me face this,
/Let me sleep,/
And when I wake up /(when I wake up, when I wake up) /

Let me be  

So they ran to and from Wayne Manor to Jason's apartment, which was too close to the heart of Gotham for either of them to feel any form of comfort there. The irony was that Jason could feel so safe in the home of the man who had hurt him the most, even though he had never laid a finger on him.

  While Alfred pretended not to notice Jason's constant presence behind Helena's bedroom door, Bruce didn't seem to know. They thought he knew about their relationship to an extent, but from Wayne Enterprises to the Batman he simply didn't have the time to deal with them. This was their point of view when it came to Bruce's knowledge about their relationship. Helena didn't get anything past "Protection is important, Lena." from Alfred and "Does having a murderer in your bed really make you feel like you're proving a point to Bruce?" from Dick. From Bruce himself she only got, "You don't need to carry around other people's baggage for them, you need to protect this city." As if carrying that pressure was any lighter.
Jason knew how much pressure everyone put on Helena, she was supposed to be Bruce's successor. She was supposed to be responsible and involved in both Wayne Enterprises and learning how to wear the bat symbol. They still had hope that she would realize he was a scumbag and would return to leaving her bedroom door open. Jason was a lost cause with blood on his hands, something that would always drive a wedge between him and the rest of the bat kids. But Helena, not her. Not yet. As angry as she was she never felt the need to end someone's life, she had the law and justice system in her DNA. She was still light and even after everything she had gone through, she still managed to be happy. Jason didn't know how she survived it, to have sudden flash backs and not tear yourself and anything around you apart. Helena's trauma returned in the form of panic attacks that she learned to manage as much as possible. She didn't need anyone's sympathy or constant prying, sometimes she just needed the world to quiet down and breathe. When the tears came Jason was there if she wanted him to be. Unlike with his sudden attacks, Helena could come back down, she didn't really need him. She just needed herself.
But Jason needed her. And that scared him because trusting someone with your whole being could bring nothing more than pain and betrayal, a different Wayne had already proven that.

Jason wanted nothing more than to stay huddled together under the red covers in Helena's bed, in Helena's room, in Helena's house. They couldn't retreat into anything that was Jason's because then she would see who he really was and realize everyone was right about him and that would hurt him more than being beaten to death with a crowbar ever could.

And that was Jason Todd's biggest fear, his past ruining the future he so desperately wanted. And quite frankly he didn't have anymore room for new scars and Helena could only touch so many before her hands were covered in blood too.