Show Me How To Love You

Eight

His day went normally, except for the unreasonably sudden thoughts about Spock throughout the day. What he was doing, where he was working, how his vegetable-herb-plant-thing was holding up, how he felt. Leonard was excited to see him again for dinner, but he also dreaded it. What would he say? Where would he sit? Would he greet him? Talk to him at all? Would it be weird if he asked him about his plants? God, this was all so complicated! Why did life have to be so goddamn hard for him now?!

"LEONARD!" He jumped, and looked up from his desk to see Christine in the doorway. She looked pretty miffed. "Shift's over. And get your head into gear- it's not good for a doctor to be spacing off about his love all the time."

"What?!" Leonard exclaimed, a little too loudly and a little too quickly. "Love? Spacing? What do you want from me woman, I'm human! The average human spaces out for 47% of a-"

"Okay, Leonard, okay!" Christine laughed, shaking her head. "Just go get something to eat, okay? I'll see you tomorrow." She left before he could deny things even more, and he cursed under his breath. She was seriously tormenting him now. Why'd she have to bring up love? He was in a lot of things, but he was not in love. Especially with Spock. He might care for him, he might even, just a tiny bit, like him, but love was out of the picture. He was never loving anyone again after Jocelyn. Too much to lose.

On that note, he put his things away and headed off to dinner. Conveniently, it wasn't too far from Sickbay, and he was there in a matter of minutes. He got some spinach mozzarella pasta and sat down at the table, next to Spock like he had thought earlier. Luckily, the Vulcan was already engaged in conversation with Scotty and Chekov about ship improvements. Leonard turned next to him where Uhura was conveniently sitting.

"Hey, can I talk to you later?" Leonard asked, and she nodded.

"After dinner? But make it quick, I'm trying to touch up on my Andorian before we get into the next quadrant." She said, and Leonard nodded. He was glad she didn't ask why he wanted to talk. He didn't really plan for that circumstance. When Spock ended his conversation with the engineering buddies, Leonard almost asked him how his day was. He stopped himself though, since he didn't know if it would seem weird after their conversation last night. Everything just felt weird about them.

"My day was adequate, Leonard." Spock said quietly, taking a drink of his water. Leonard glared at him.

"What makes you think I wanted to know?" He said defiantly, and Spock rose an eyebrow.

"Intuition." He piqued. Leonard elbowed him in the arm.

"Ass." He grumbled, getting back to his pasta. How was he ever going to get used to this? Jim wiggled his eyebrows at him. He glared back. He was never going to get used to it.

Leonard and Uhura walked down the halls silently until they reached her quarters, where she invited him in without hesitation. "So what did you need?" She asked, sitting down at a small table. He sat across from her. Her room was extremely clean, except for the mementos scattered around in an odd fashion.

"I... wanted to ask about how Spock was like when you two were together. If that's okay with you." Leonard said quietly, hoping he wouldn't offend her. He didn't need another person angry at him. She laughed, and he was immediately relieved.

"It's perfectly okay, Leonard." She said, and looked down at the table. "In short, he wasn't very... well, if you saw us, even in private, you would hardly think we were much more than friends. He's not a feely-touchy guy, which was something I thought I wanted, but I began to get angry with him after a while. I don't know if it was because we weren't bonded, or if that's just how he was." She sighed, and looked back up to him with a smile. "However, we did have very intimate moments. We never had sex, of course, since he wanted to wait, but I was fine with that. There were times when he sought me out for comfort, though, which I was more than happy to provide for him." Leonard nodded, feeling slightly guilty about taking Spock's virginity from him. Vulcans probably didn't have the same sentiment about it as humans, though. Still, he felt bad.

Uhura nudged his arm with her fist. "So. You're thinking of actually initiating your relationship?" She smirked at his appalled face.

"What? No!" Leonard demanded, scowling at her. She raised her eyebrows at him, knowing he was being unreasonable. "Well. I don't know. I don't... to put it bluntly, I'm too traditional. I always wanted to come back to a nice home on earth and be able to say 'honey, I'm home!' You know?" She laughed, but nodded. "But I'm faced with reality now. I'm stuck with Spock, whether I like it or not. I figured... I mean..." He sighed, distressed, but tried to find a way to put it.

"M'Benga showed me scans of something when Spock was in the hospital." Leonard grumbled, moving a finger around on the table. He didn't look up at Uhura. "In the end, I had to realize that Spock now relies on me for his happiness. I also saw that it's not in his control, either, when I had been blaming everything on him this whole time. I know I'm being unreasonable, and I just want him and everyone else on this damn ship to be happy-"

"What about you?" Uhura whispered, leaning across the table towards him. "What do you want, with Spock? Do YOU want to be in a relationship with him?" Leonard swallowed hard, thinking.

"I..." He sighed loudly, leaning back. He rubbed a hand across his face. "I don't know! Sure! I'm willing to give it a shot, if that's what you mean, but I hardly doubt that it'll work out."

"I say you give it a try. Besides, you might not even know the difference!" Uhura looked down at her watch and smiled at him. "I really need to get on my Andorian nuances, Leonard." He nodded and stood up.

"Thank you, Uhura." He said, opening the door. She nodded.

"Call me Nyota, please."

Leonard really felt like a little boy. Spock was next to him, doing work like usual, and Leonard was about ready slam his head into the wall.

"I would advise against such an action, Leonard." Spock said nonchalantly, and Leonard groaned in irritation. Why did this bond have to share so much?! Spock looked up at him. "You are acting quite different. Is this a result of our conversation yesterday?" Leonard froze up a bit.

"No! Well, yes. But not..." He sighed, at a loss. He stood up and paced around a little. "The thing is, Spock, we're bonded. And I want you to be happy, because I know that you never wanted this bond to happen anyway. And after thinking about it, and after talking to Nyota, I think that a relationship might be okay with me. Possibly." He stopped pacing and chanced looking over at the Vulcan, who had an eyebrow risen high. Just looking at it, Leonard felt himself heat up. "Now I'm not bisexual or pansexual or anything, so don't expect me to be too receptive to this kind of thing. But I figured for the benefit of us both, it would be better if we were on an equal ground, and in some sort of working relationship."

"Leonard..." The corner of Spock's mouth quirked up, and he stood. He stepped forward. Leonard crossed his arms. "You are not doing this simply for my benefit?"

"No." Leonard shook his head. "I've recognized that a part of me wants this too." Spock nodded once, and looked as if he was thinking about the situation.

"Then I am amenable to it." Spock said simply, and Leonard scoffed.

"'Amenable?' You make it sound like a lunch date." Leonard rolled his eyes.

"We already dine together, Leonard." Spock replied, making Leonard sigh.

"I know we do." He said, and looked at Spock. The man was now... his, honestly. They were bondmates, they were dating, they spent a stupid amount of time together each day. It was insanely weird, and Leonard didn't know if he liked to think of it like this. He looked at his watch, desperate for an escape. "Well, it looks like our twenty minutes are up. I'll see you tomorrow." Spock didn't reply at first, just looking at him.

"Goodnight, Leonard." Spock said quietly, and walked past him out the door. He let out a big breath. He was glad that Spock didn't do anything on his way out, or extend his stay that night, or anything like that. Was he moving this too fast? Was it a bad idea to say anything at all? He suddenly felt like a bride with cold feet. How was this ever going to be successful?

But then he remembered, once again, that it was probably for the best.