The Impeccable Infinity

Chapter 24

I sat on my bed and read through an old journal I had kept when I was younger. Back then, the world appeared bright and everything seemed possible. I read every cursive line and studied the small drawing I did off to the side of the pages. I wrote about how I felt, the way I saw the world, and my opinion on basically everything. I had such a strong and positive outlook on life, granted I was only a child, I still wrote like a naïve eight year old who's clueless of what's ahead of her.

I closed the journal and tucked it under my pillow when I heard a knock at the door. I don't mind showing people souvenirs from my past, but when it came to my old journals and drawings, I hid them from everyone so nobody would laugh at how oblivious I was to the life ahead of me.

"Come in," I called from my bed, crossing my legs and trying to hide the fact that I was just getting emotional from rekindling my past.

"Hey," Mute whispered, quietly turning the knob and closing it behind himself so nobody could hear the click of the lock.

"I know I'm not supposed to be in here, but I need to talk to you about something important," he whispered, now leaning down and sitting next to me on my bed. His weight caused the mattress to compress, which made my chest tightened as I thought about all of the possible things he had to tell me.

"So I wanted to tell you this for awhile now."

"Yea?"

"Yea. But I just couldn't find the right time to bring it up."

Suddenly, the idea of Mute admitting to me how he really felt about me popped into my head, and made me feel giddy with excitement as a smile appeared across my face. Mute looked at me with confusion and I immediately went back to a straight face to hide my happiness.

"I know we've been hanging out for awhile now, and it's been great and everything, but I have something in my life right now that may get in the way of that."

I felt my face fall and my eyes begin to tear up as I thought of a life without Mute. I don't know how I'd be able to live without him, it may be impossible.

"And what would that thing getting in between our friendship be?" I asked, moving closer to him.

"Haley, you know how I'm turning eighteen in about a week?"

I nodded and kept my eyes locked on his, anticipating every word that he spoke.

"Well, the agency told me that once I'm eighteen I have to move out and go to college, as in, live on my own." He took a deep breath after telling me and tried to regain his composure.

"But you're only eighteen, Mute. What if you're not ready? They can't just take you from your home," I whispered, feeling tears burn at my eyes as my voice began to crack.

"They can and they are. They told me I have about two weeks to get my stuff together and then I have to either find an apartment or start an early admission to college."

I looked at the ground as the first tear began to fall down my face. I bit my lip and folded and hands together, trying to stop myself from crying. I looked back up at him and watched as he wipe a tear from my cheek. My mouth trembled as I tried to speak, but I then realized I'm in too much fear of loosing him to move my lips. He's the last person I have in my life that I truly feel safe with, but now he's being taken from me without my ability to do anything about it. Just like my parents.

"Haley, I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you earlier, but you just looked so happy when we were together and I didn't want you to constantly think about saying goodbye to me."

"There's nothing you can do?"

"Trust me, I tried. They make the rules, sweetheart."

I finally let out a cry and scrunched my face to allow the tears I've been holding back finally escape. Mute edged closer and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me in and pressing my head to his chest. I heard his heart beat loud, and felt the uneven rise and fall of his chest. He's trying to stay as strong as I am.

"So, I'm never going to see you again?" I asked, looking up into his eyes.

"They're not letting me live here anymore, but no matter what they do, I'll never let them keep me from seeing you and letting you know how much I need you," he whispered, pulling me back into a hug as I began to cry harder. He ran his fingers across my scalp and quietly hushed me until I was finally able to catch my breath.

"I don't want you to go," I whispered, feeling my eyes burn from the tears.

"I don't want to go either. But you know what, you'll be seventeen soon, which means you'll be only a year away from joining me out in the real world."

I smiled as I though of being with Mute outside of the foster home. We'd both go to the same college and study together, spending every minute talking and telling each other our dreams until we're old enough to make them come true.

"Will you still visit?" I asked, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand.

"Of course. I need you as much as you need me, sweetheart. I'll text you and call and try to write to you once a week."

"Write?"

"Yea, that way you can save the letters and look at my handwriting and know that I wrote it and didn't just type something up on a keyboard. I think writing things out is more meaningful."

I grinned and nodded in agreement before I clung to his arm and rested my head on his shoulder, feeling his rise in body temperature as he avoided crying.

"You don't need to bottle it up. Like you said, nobody can be strong all the time," I whispered, staring straight ahead.

I heard a whimper escape from his lips and the his body stiffen as he began to cry. I moved my hands from his arm to around his chest. Tears fell down his face and onto mine as I rested my head below his. I don't mind if he cries on me, I'd be more concerned if he refused to show any emotion.

We stayed still for a few minutes as he finished sobbing, and began to take deep breaths and regain the steadiness in his voice. I felt his body relax as he looked down and realized I'm still hugging him.

"Thank you for understanding," he whispered.

"No problem. I'm not scared Mute. Nobody and nothing can keep us apart. Your what keeps me going," I admitted, refusing to look into his eyes as my face burned bright red.

"Well that's good to hear, because you keep me going too."

We smiled at each other and hugged a final time before pulling apart and wiping the remaining tears from our faces. I let out a small laugh as I felt my mind begin to comprehend everything I was just told. I know life's throwing obstacles at me right now, but I'm certain that there's nothing strong enough to keep me from the thing that keeps my universe in constant motion: Mute.