The Boarding House Affair (A Play...?)

Scene V

Scene V

(The SGs, Erin and Felix)

Leila: I can’t believe that Neal is going out with that girl…

Wendy: Neither can I.

Leila: That is so… Eeeeww, cheap!

Wendy: Yeah, right. Eeeew, cheap! Why can’t that Neal look for another girl instead of that Geraldine? Eeeewww.

Leila: He’s so good-looking pa naman. But he doesn’t got the taste when it comes to girls.

Wendy: Yeah right, times two! Wait a second; why am I agreeing with you? You should be the one agreeing with me. Anyway, back to the issue. (to herself, slightly murmurs) I just can’t believe that…

Leila: Hey, girl. I also noticed how tremendous your reaction was when we found out about the Neil and Geraldine thing.

Wendy: (side-glances at Leila and raises an eyebrow) And your point is?

Leila: Well… (inspects her polished nails) I’m just curious you know. Why… Why react that way? There must be something that pushed you to react like that earlier.

Wendy: Oh, because… (seems to be uneasy) Because… (stammers) Well…

Leila: Oh no, Wendy. Type mo na rin si Neal?! Hellooooo?!???

Wendy: Oy, continue in English!

Leila: Alright, I will! And you’re just jealous with the PLG! My goodness, Wendy! Don’t you even try to deny it because (exaggerates baby talk) it’s written all over your gorgeous face. (laughs wickedly)

Wendy: (crosses her arms) Would you just stop laughing and shut it all up? You’re pissing the hell out of me!

Leila: Oh my, Wendy. You’re jealous, you’re jealous, you’re jealous, jealous, jeeeeealoooooouuus! (laughs unstoppably) Unfortunately, you failed with your attempt to steal the title Denial Queen. Aha-aha-aha…. The crown is still mine.

Wendy: JUST. SHUT. UP. LEILA!

Leila continues to make fun of Wendy. On the other hand, Erin appears, struggles as she pulls someone―it’s Felix, Neal’s gay classmate with the so-so “mysterious identity.”

Erin: Hey you, come here! (pulls Felix by the arm) What are you doing here, huh?

Felix: (forcibly gets away from Erin, but fails) Wait, let me see her first!

Erin: Wha―who?!??

Felix: (sees Wendy) It’s her, it’s her! It’s her, indeed!

Erin: (follows Felix’ gaze) You mean… Wendy?!

Felix: (does his gay impression and points a finger to Erin) Plus ten points!¹ She’s the one I’m looking for. I’ve been trying to enter this boarding house just to see her!

Erin: (slows down, stops from pulling Felix’ arm and loosening her grip) But I thought…you’re gay? And it’s Neal you’re in love with?

Felix: Of course, those are just parts of the show! (shakes off Erin’s hands) I’m just pretending to be this and that. I’m a real guy who’s deeply (puts one hand on his chest), madly (puts another hand on his chest), and whatever-ly in love with the one and only (slightly pauses to face Wendy’s direction) Wendy (spreads out his arms toward Wendy)…

Felix then approaches the SGs, who were still talking (bitching) with one another. At the sight of Felix, Wendy reacts violently.

Wendy: What?! What the heck are you doing here, freako?!??

Felix: (shakes his head, speaks softly) I’m not a freako. And I’m here to confess my ever-so-arduous feelings for you, my Wendy!

Wendy: (slowly walks backward, away from Felix) Get. Away. From. Me.

Felix: Why should I? (approaches Wendy, tries to hug her)

Leila: (attempts to hit Felix) She said, get away! Leave her alone!

As Wendy begins to run away from the set, Felix chases her. Leila chases them along. Erin, who is still unable to recover from some shock, just shrugs and exits as well.

¹Obtained from Roderick Paulate’s line in Ded na si Lolo (2009)