Ignitable

Ignitable - Chapter Seven

Cade...

When I walked away from Sophia, I fully intended on leaving her completely behind, but the memory of her keeps catching up with me. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get her off my mind. The wilderness of my mind is just so full of her. It's not only infuriating, it's exhausting. My world has only ever been law and sex. Now it's law and Sophia. She's not even in my fucking life, yet the memory of her infuriatingly still is. My feelings emotionally swing like a possessed pendulum—from caring and trying not to care. When I had confidently walked into her shop, I was feeling something I had never felt before; I wanted to see her again. When I walked out of that shop; I felt emasculated. Sophia stripped me of everything that I thought I was. I am not familiar with the word no and I am certainly not used to being turned down. But Sophia turned me down, and I sadly knew why.

The shame had reflected in her tired grey eyes, and that made me feel like shit. It was a bitter reminder of what I had asked her to do.

I made her feel that way.

I did that to her.

The Lapley way had hurt her.

When I said I wanted to start over, I honestly meant that. I wanted to take Sophia out for dinner, and just dinner. I didn't want to get into her knickers, I only wanted to try and get into her life. I just wanted her to be thinking about me in the same way that I was thinking about her. But in the cold light of day, she felt ashamed of what we had done. In the cold light of day, I had become a shameful regret for Sophia.

Now here's the thing. I have always been a player. A wealthy bad boy. It has always been my understanding that the ladies love a bad boy.
Good, is boring.

Good, doesn't get the pulse racing and the heart furiously beating.

Good, doesn't know how to satisfy a woman.

But you know what? If being good would bring Sophia back into my life, I will absolutely be good.

And you want to know something else? It would actually be easy to do it. Because Sophia brings out unknown parts of myself. But because she isn't in my life, I am struggling with those parts of me. Sophia challenges everything that I thought I was. Who I am, I don't even know who that really is anymore. I have always been a cold hearted man. A ruthless man. To me, women are all the same, just with different haircuts. But Sophia challenges all of that. My cold heart feels warm when I think of her and my ruthlessness has mellowed. But she doesn't want to see me and that is weighing heavily on me. When I'm trying not to think about her, I am doing just that. It's starting to eat me alive, just how much I want to see her again. After two weeks of trying to make sense of it all, I am with the only person who I think can actually help me now.

"Thanks for seeing me, Grant." I take slow strides into his welcoming room, glancing all around it with an harassed frown.

Grant gestures for me to sit down, noticing how troubled I seem. "I have to say I am surprised to see you, Cade. The last time I saw you, I distinctly remember you telling me to stick my therapy sessions up my ass." He sits opposite of me, trying to suppress his gloating smile.

"I'm here and you're expensive...so let's get started." Is my quick and brusque answer to him.

Intrigued, Grant leans forward. "You are and I am. So what is it that you'd like to talk about this evening?"

"I have met someone and it's driving me crazy." My words spill out from my tight mouth, angry and frustrated.

"Judging by your agitation, am I right in thinking that this someone is female?"