For Her

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Dear Q,

It's Wednesday night and I'm in my room, sitting on my bed, typing this. And, of course, I'm thinking of you.

I figured that maybe 'writing' to you would be a good way of sorting out my feelings for you. I don't really have any firm grasp on what my feelings for you actually are, but, you know, oh well.

I keep making up scenarios in my head; things that will never happen.

These feelings are weird. They make no sense. I mean, when I met you I thought you were attractive but I never thought I would feel anything more than that towards you. It's not the position we are in, but more so the fact that you are you, and I am me. Nothing about this makes sense.

I am the least cheesy and romantic person, but right now all I know is that I wish I was with you; laying with you, spending time with you. I want to get to know you. I want to know about your family. The way you grew up. Your favourite memory. Your favourite country and why it's your favourite. I want to sit and watch one of the stupid films I've heard you talk about that you love so much. I just want you.

I just can't stop feeling things for you. There's so much to it. It's killing me. I keep thinking, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you have these feelings for me. Imagine how wonderful it would be for us to be able to feel these things for each other.

I want to tell you how I feel, but I need the timing to be right.

But will the timing ever be right? I know, really, that you don't feel the same way about me. Why would you?

I just find it so difficult not to stare. I know you've seen me doing it. And, in my mind, I've seen you doing it back to me. God, my head is so messed up. My imagination runs wild and I think I see things that I don't. I misread signs. Everything becomes so jumbled.

My head hurts. My heart hurts. I need to sleep.

But I want you here. I want to sleep next to you. I want to have you here next to me. Even if it's just for one night, I'll take it.

I want each piece of you, everything in your brain. I want you to trust me and feel comfortable around me. I want you to tell me secrets. I just know that so many times I'll be doing something good and I'll wish that you were here with me.

You give me something to write about. That's how I know these feelings are real. I hoped that the feelings would pass after a while. I thought that maybe they were temporary and that they would fizzle out and become things of the past. However, I wasn't so lucky. 

So now I'm stuck here with these feelings and I cannot seem to stop.

Goodnight X