Inked

VI

It was weird. Kinda like a dream except I was living it? I knew it was real, but  was numb to  everything. I couldn't communicate with anyone and I couldn't feel anything. I could watch though, I saw Gunner's shocked face and Harry's widened eyes. I heard the mumbled "sorry"s from Zayn. I wanted desperately to assure him that it was okay, that I trusted him to make everything better, whatever "everything" happened to be. 

"Do you want to keep her in the room? I can move her if you'd like. To another room, so you don't have to see her." Jet suggested.  Zayn thought it over. Going over the pros and cons of that situation. 

If he were to let Jet move me, it would be easier on him if he didn't see me in that state. If he kept me where I was he would bask in the "horrifying" image of what I had become. Though, I still do not know what is happening, but maybe he wanted to see me. To touch my skin and smell my scent. 

"Leave her. I'll move her if need be." Zayn said a bit solemnly. Jet nodded and looked towards Gunner, as if to ask what he should do next. 

"What re we going to do? We have to leave! The Farah could attack us at anytime now that we have a homegrown traitor. Plus, you and Alex are now vulnerable!" Gunner pointed out. 

"We have to wait until she heals." Zayn whispered almost inaudibly. 

"We can't do that!" Gunner said with less anger in his voice but more concern. "She may never heal." If I could feel my heart, I bet it would have plunged down my body and dropped into hell. 

"Don't say that!" Zayn roared and threw the thing nearest to him, which happened to be a window plant. It zoomed pass Gunner and hit the wall. The crashing sound was ear splitting and I saw the dirt crumble to the floor. Scattered. Zayn was breathing heavily, like something was sitting on top of his chest. "You don't get to say those things!" He wailed before searching for another thing to throw. 

Everything happened so fast that I couldn't process it all. Another item charged at the wall and shattered into pieces. I couldn't tell what it was because Zayn didn't even look at it before picking it up and launching it into the air. Gunner stood there, not in shock, but in sympathy. He was going to let Zayn finish his fit because its what he needed to do. Jet looked like a frightened puppy and stayed silent in the corner of the room. 

"Its my fault. Its all my fault." Zayn cried out. I felt almost an instant remorse.  I heard him sob through the heavy breathing. The cries shook his body and made him weak. We dropped to the ground and he let out all the emotions he never did. 

"Zayn," Gunner tried to start, but Zayn raised a hand as if to ask him for a moment alone. I couldn't see anything because either Zayn had his eyes closed or his tears blurred the vision of the ground. The crying didn't stop or even die down a bit. I wanted so badly to  reach out and stroke his hair. To cradle him and kiss away his tears, but I was incapable of anything of such nature. 

The door clicked close and I knew that both Jet and Gunner had left the disastrous room and man. Zayn sat with his back against the wall, knees hugged to his chest and his head in his hands. The cries have lessened but still weighed heavily on me. You don't understand what hopeless really is until you see the person you love in such a terrible emotional state ad can't do or say anything. You can't even sympathetically sit next to  them.  

"I'm so sorry, Alex." he whispered to nothing but air. His voice got lost in the breaths between his tears. "How can I be such an idiot?!" 

But, you're not. 

"Why couldn't I have listened? I hurt you!"

But you didn't. 

"I might lose you, forever."

But you won't. 

"I can't live without." 

But you will.