Destiny

Hold

 She gave it all, you gave her shit
She coulda done, just anything
Or anyone, cause she's a goddess
You never got this
You put her down, you liked her hopeless
To walk around, feeling unnoticed
You shoulda crowned her, cause she's a goddess
You never got this  

-Banks

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Gabriel drifted in and out of consciousness. Screaming and grunting in a foreign language I could not understand. The palace was a stand still. People waiting for what could come. The chance of him dying was too near. My heart especially began to tighten with every raise in fever. If he died I would no longer be Queen and my country at the mercy of the mongols. Some part of me still cared for him, a part I was afraid of. 

Through night and day I stayed by Gabriel's side sleeping on the floor next to our bed on silk pillows and wool blankets. I wanted to be there when he woke up. If he woke up. I would also protect him. Gabriel was at the weakest I had ever seen him. 

Many nights passed like this. Me waking up to feel his forehead for fever and squeezing droplets of water into his mouth. This was exceptionally hard since Gabriel had to remain on his side. During the day I watched keenly as the nurses dressed his wounds with ointment. Alexander would bring me food but I was only able to eat small bits of it. My stomach was too knotted with anxiety. 

Two weeks had passed and Gabriel was able to roll over on the bed and drink water on his own. 

"You have been here - the whole time."Gabriel stated gruffly facing in the opposite direction of where I sat in silence. How long had he been awake? I cleared my throat. "You should be resting Gabriel." I responded softly in my own tiredness. There was silence for a minute. "Come here-please."He said slow and roughly. I hesitated. My feet found their way to the side of the bed where he faced the wall. His hair was wild and messy, his beard grown out sculpting his pain. His eyes were clenched. He looked like he was in so much pain, yet he was still so beautiful. "What do you need?"I asked placing my hand on his forehead to check his fever. It had gone down significantly. He grabbed my hand. "Lay down with me."Gabriel demanded pulling me down to the bed. His body was burning from heat. "I don't wish to hurt you Gabriel."I argued trying to get up from the bed. "Be quiet."He said holding me firmly down to the bed. Even when he was near death he was stronger than me. At that moment I wished to be able to lean into his chest and let him hold me. Yet there was at least two inches between us. His large heavy arms holding me onto the soft bed that was cascaded in his scent. "I still hate you."I whispered balling up my fists and trying to relax. Gabriel sighed and softened his grasp on me. "Good."He replied kissing me on my head.