The Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw Show

Pilot/ Tawnypelt!

WARNING: THIS IS 82% CRACK! WRITTEN AT TWO IN THE MORNING! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING!

Read at your own peril.

Have fun!

So here's how they start...it's all Squirrelflight's idea! ☺ Enjoy!

Squirrelflight was talking to Brambleclaw. "We soooooooooooo need to make a talk show. We can be the hosts! Isn't that a wonderful idea? Yes, it is!"

"Squirrely, what--"

"I knew you would," Squirrelflight squealed. "Thanks, Bramblekins!"

"Hello, and welcome to the Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw show! This week's topic: Who is the best mother in ShadowClan?"

Brambleclaw cheered, "It's my sister, Tawnypelt! She raised Flametail, who, unfortunately died, there's Tigerheart and Dawnpelt! Tawnypelt definitely raised good warriors for ShadowClan."

"Yes," mumbled Leafpool, the camera-cat. She wasn't very happy with her role in her sister's talk show.

"Please welcome this Thunder-Shadow she-cat!" Squirrelflight cheered.

Tawnypelt strolled onto the stage and took a seat opposite of Squirrelflight next to Brambleclaw.

"So, Tawnypelt, how did you feel about your father going to ShadowClan?" Squirrelflight asked. Brambleclaw flipped through a bunch of papers stapled together.

"That's not on the script!"

"It is now," Squirrelflight flashed him a smile and handed him her script. "See?"

"Well, I missed ThunderClan, but they were always judging me by Tigerstar's actions..." Tawnypelt mewed.

"Have you read the new book by him? You know, How to Kill your Clan Leader? Have you read it? I read it. I got it off the Yellowfang and Nightcloud show...I love that show! Nightcloud is so cool with all of her hashtags!"

"Let's get back to the script, shall we?" Brambleclaw was getting impatient.

"So, Tawnykins how are your kits?"

"Don't call me that, Bramble-baby! But Tigerkins, Dawny-poo and even Flamebaby are okay. I miss my little Flame-baby so much!"

"Well, Dawnpelt is mad at Jayfeather, right? That's not fair. My little Jaybaby didn't do anything!" Leafpool piped up.

"Dawny-poo is still mad at him, you know."

"Mom! Don't call me that!" Dawnpelt's voice came on. Tigerheart's voice followed.

"Make her stop calling me Tigerkins. Please tell her not to call me Tigerbaby!"

"Tigerbaby is such a sweet boy!"

"Augh!"

"What about when he loved Dovewing?" Squirrelflight questioned.

Tigerheart stormed onto the stage. "I never loved Dovewing!"

Dawnpelt came right out behind him. "Don't call me Dawny-poo! And Squirrelflight's Jayfeather killed my brother!"

"Jaybaby did nothing wrong!"

"He killed Flametail!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Not!"

"Did too!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"Ladies, stop!" Brambleclaw yowled. Leafpool joined him.

"Squirrely, stop!!"

"Sorry, Leafykins! Sorry, Bramblebaby!" Squirrelflight sat back down, Dawnpelt still staring angrily at the ginger she-cat.

"So, Tawnypelt, how have you kept these kittens from wreaking havoc on me? They're not very well behaved!" Squirrelflight mewed.

"How dare you insult my kitties!"

"How dare you come on this show!"

"You invited me!"

"Did not!"

"We can't argue like this, Mama!" Tigerheart quickly mewed. "Not while Flametail is still with us!"

"Flametail's here?" Tawnypelt sniffled, and Brambleclaw handed her a box of tissues.

"Yes! He's in StarClan, with us!"

"We're not in StarClan, you mouse-brain!" Squirrelflight snickered.

"My son is not a mouse-brain!"

"Yes he is! And it's genetic!"

"What?! How dare you!"

"I dare!"

"You're a bad mother!"

"Bad mother yourself!"

"No!"

Tawnypelt launched herself at Squirrelflight, yowling a few choice words. The crowd chanted, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Leafpool shut the camera off before kittens' ears could get too severely damaged and ran to help Brambleclaw break up the fighting she-cats.

So, that's it! 

See if you can guess the next episode!

HINT: Thunder or River? I must stay in Thunder. 

Oops. I think I gave it away. Oh well!

~Onyx