Just Like That

Winter Blues (Picture of Chase)

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Chapter 5

Winter Blues

I sat in my last period class, chemistry.  I'd never been a huge fan of the subject.  I never understand why we needed to know so much about things we couldn't see.  I don't see the point, but that might explain why I had the only C+ of my entire life.

Vanessa sat at the next table over from mine, she was facing me, making stupid faces at me.  I let out a quiet laugh, but it was apparently to loud for some people.

Candice Louder, the goody two shoes of the junior class, snapped her head up, glaring at me as if I were the devil's spawn. 'Wow, bitch,' I wanted to say instead I just thought it to myself.  I just rolled my eyes, I swear that girl is more uptight than anyone I'd ever met.

The clocked seemed to be ticking even slower than normal.  It was December 16, which meant that it would be winter break in approximately four minutes.

I didn't even bother to pay attention to what ever Mr. Bawler was yakking on about, all I could think about was going to sleep.

Finally, the bell rang, causing my eyes to shot open after dozing off a bit.  I grabbed my bright teal backpack and swung it over my shoulders. 

I met up with Vanessa outside the room and we started to walk towards our lockers.

"It's party time!" I heard Jill's bubbly voice chirp especially loud, as she approached from behind.  She moved over to walk beside me on my right.  She looked at me sympathetically, and said, glancing down at my stomach, "Well, not for you babe, but for everyone else,"

"Uhh, okay, first of all you're not even going to be here most of the break, so I don't know how you're gonna party it up.  You're leaving for sunny Cozumel in a few days.  And secondly I'm going to have so much fun with my family," I tell, her the last part sarcastically.

 All my friends were leaving for the two week break, except for Chase.  At least I had one person to talk to, and at that point he was the only one I wanted to talk to.  To be completely honest, I don't know if it's the hormones or what, but their jokes are getting a little old.

"Yeah well there's always this weekend right?  And as for your family... well I just hope it goes a little better than last year," she said with a chuckle, her red curls bouncing over her navy Nordstoms blazer  that she'd just gotten on our last shopping adventure.

"All I know is that Aunt Charlotte won't be anywhere near the kitchen this year that's for sure.  We don't need anything to catch on fire again," I said, as we made our way through the hallway, the walls filled with pictures of previous class trips. Like last years senior trip to Peru.

"Your families just, um,, what's the right word?  Interesting I guess," Vanessa said, stopping in front of her tall, dark blue locker.  She had on two inch slouchy black leather boots, making her 5'7" frame look even taller than usual.

"Yeah, that's a good way to put it.  But, at least you have a normal family and get to go somewhere, I mean Colorado's better than staying here," I said. 

"Ohh, look who it is, the baby daddy," Jill said jokingly, but it was not at all funny to me.  We all turned around to see Chase headed in our direction.  His dirty blond hair neatly rested on top of his head.

"Jill! Shut up," I told her, giving her a gentle slap on the shoulder.  I knew people would eventually find out that I was pregnant but I didn't need them to know from someone screaming it in the hallways.

I caught his gaze, our eyes meet.  I gave him a light hearted smile, expecting him to walk over to where I was standing in the sea of people.

Instead, he quickly dropped his gaze to the floor, and shoved his hands in his pocket.  He wasn't walking towards me, he was leaving.  Leaving with out saying a word.

I instantly felt my stomach twist into a knot as I watched his figure walk farther and farther away.

Vanessa and Jill exchanged extremely confused looks before staring at me. 

"I thought you said that everything went fine when you told  him,?" Jill asked.  I thought back to when I told him, he didn't act distant like he was just then. "What's going on?"

"It did," I told them, shaking my head, still a little dazed as to what just happened. 'Did he really just flat out ignore me, not even giving me a smile?  Nothing?' I thought to myself on the verge of tears.  I pushed them back, trying to think of something, anything else.  But, there was nothing else to think of because over the past few weeks my life as become cconsumed with Chase and the baby, nothing else. 

Chase and I always meet up after school.  But, that wasn't what made me feel sick to my stomach, it was the fact that he just completely ignored me.  I hadn't told them this, but the truth was that he'd been extremely distant the last few days, we hadn't talked much at all.  I could barley admitt it to myself. let alone my best friends.

"Are you sure cause that didn't look like everything went so well," Vanessa commented, leaning back against her locker, books in hand.

I couldn't stand there anymore and have them tell me that maybe everything isn't fine, I couldn't take it in that moment.  I started walking away, I felt like a zombie, I was letting my body lead me to where I wanted to go while my mind was somewhere completely different. 

Because it was to hard to be in my mind.  To hard to even think.

I heard them calling my name, but I didn't care I needed to get out of there as fast as possible.  I knew that they just wanted to help and make sure that everything was okay, but I just needed to be alone. 

I know that they've been trying to understand what I was going through but the reality of it was that they had no clue what I was going through.  They don't know what it feels like to stay up crying all night because you feel so alone, so hurt by the one person that you truly love.  They don't know how it feels to have to fake a smile every second I'm awake, because if I don't I'll shatter.  If I shatter then it's all over, because there's no one left to pick up the pieces.

As if I didn't have enough to deal with already, I didn't need him ignoring me.  Chase was the one person I thought I could really talk to, he could at least relate to what I was feeling.  Even though I had just eaten two hours ago, my stomach felt so empty and hallow.  Or maybe it's just my heart.

Memories of only three weeks ago came rushing back.  Chase holding me and kissing me tenderly, telling me he loved me.  Maybe I was just naive, I believed everything he had said, but apparently he didn't mean any of it.

I finally managed to make it out to my car, the parking lot almost deserted by then except for the people that had sports practice after school.

The trees scattered across the lawn made everything seem gloomier than usual.  All the leaves had fallen off a few months before, leaving everything bare and lifeless.

I got into my car and sank into the seat, before I could even turn the car on I clamping my hands onto the steering wheel.  All I could hear were my whimpered breaths.  My tears were warm against my frozen cheek.  My hair became a tangled mess, falling in my face.

It's funny how quickly things can change.  One minute everything seems fine, and then next everything's fallen apart.