I'm in the restroom at The Voice and I look like shit. I've been crying non stop for 24 hours. I didn't no you could cry that much. I was trying to clean up and talk myself into going through with this. I couldn't cry during the song especially now because it had a very strong feeling to me. I was finally able to clean up, put a bunch of makeup under my eyes to hid the dark circles from being awake all night long. I was next and the last one of the day too. I had boot cut blue jeans, a grey V-neck shirt, and black pumps. I walked out on stage to see 4 red chairs with their backs to me, Adam, Christina, Cee Lo, and Blake. The music started playing and I started singing The House That Built Me. I silently cried through the whole song and because of the tears in my eyes I couldn't see since everything was blurry. When the song was over I wiped my eyes to see Christina, Adam and Blake turned around for me. I was smiling but also still crying. They asked for my name and I said "Amanda Knightly". I was surprised I was able to get that out. Of course then they asked why I was crying. I tried to explain the best I could and they came up to give me a hug and told me they were sorry for my loss. After that they asked what team I wanted to be on, Adam, Blake or Christina? I choose.......I paused for a moment and said "Adam! I choose Adam!" The crowd screamed and he came up to hug me. After that they did the little rerun on who was on who's team that kinda stuff then ended the show. I talked to Adam for a few minutes the left and walked into the parking lot. I leaned up against the building and got out my phone. I called my only family member left, my cousin Sammy. I hadn't talked to him in 3 years. I called him up and told him I made it onto The Voice, he congratulated me. I then told him about my parents, the house and everything that's been going on. He was devastated when I told him this and not only that he was worried what I was capable of. When I was 13 I tried to kill myself. My parents were visiting some friends for a week, Sam was staying with me but he was at work, I just wanted my life to end. I attempted overdosing but I didn't succeed. Sam found me 3 hours after I took them and took me to the hospital. We never told my parents what had happened. Now that they are dead he knows I wouldn't be afraid to take that road again and I'm not afraid. after a few minutes of talking I said "Sammy you and I both no I have had a very hard life and its about to get even harder. I have nothing absolutely nothing left in my life and there's a VERY slim chance I would even make it any farther on The Voice." "What are you saying Amanda?" he asked and I said back "I'm saying I'm all done. I'm done with everything, life, people, trying to pursue a dream of mine. I'm done with all of it. I have to burry my freakin parents in a few days. I have a burned down house that almost NOTHING survived. I have nothing Sammy, I love you, goodbye." After I said that I hung up the phone.
