Vastness Of Secrets

XIII - Seventeen Springs

SEVENTEEN SPRINGS.
DEAR LORD;
You are the one who gave me breath
You are the one who can take it back
You are the one who's first and last
In you only hope we can find
But why I don't talk to you
Why I'm feeling tears in my eyes now
I want to feel your love
Your hand on my shoulder
I want to hear your voice
Voice which speaks to me
I know you there
Looking at me
Watching me in every moment
Why I'm so afraid
Why !? Why !!??
I'm scared my Lord

Save me.
I have to blame myself,unforgettable sins in my heart grows

When this day come I will throw my crown,crown of goods of this live

Pure and naked my soul
Heartbeat like bell it'll ring and it'll be gone
WHEN YOU GAVE AWARENESS OF LIVING
I know now,that you gave us with it awareness that we are bleeding everyday,letting other things separate you from us and go away
But we will go to the same place which we came from
We will keep our heads low under your thrown
More than quilt we should feel strength and your love
We should be strong
We should open our arms for you
Because your are Father my Lord

I need to hear voice stronger than ever,I want get close to you
and say all my wrongs,cry in your arms,I want to feels safe
I want again to feel sun on my face
I'm flying up and down in space between the sins
I think I already died my Lord
I don't see smile,I don't see pain
Just I feel cold
And fear which drag me down to tears while I'm lying down in bath
Only what I feel now is my heart
My heart which is popping out from my chest
It will spread the blood and make me sweat
I want to fix all this
I want to be alive again
I never knew that in hardest moments you are my only friend
I can't see you but I feel you here with me
I'm naked* I don't feel shame
I'm ready I'm me
The way we came to this world
I'm ready to take you to my heart
It's my confession
My words to you
Because I can't fall in pieces before I'll make a first step my Lord
I found love,I've found someone
He was close to you,he's your  son
I want to say his name in every words of my prayer
I didn't do this for long time
I hope I won't forget
Every sunshine every night his name is in my blood
Sinners which will make sins again
But save us my Lord
Until the end.
Such a stone inside me is pulsing
My heart it's getting heavier
Hot drops all over my face
It's sweat,tears which fell down with this letters
Down to my knees
To bow my head for you
It took so long for me to understand
Seventeen springs make me believe again

_____________

naked* - I don't mean here exactly meaning of this word,I used it in sense of metaphor.
"I'm naked I don't feel shame"
I'm infront of him (infront of God), and all my rights and wrongs are clearly see,I'm transparent and he can't miss a thing.
So I took it here similar taste of time when we are actually naked and nothing we can hide.Hope you understood me.

I wrote this poem/prayer when I was really in tears,broken,scared and in pain.